


Is It Really True?

by TheatreThings



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Be More Chill - Freeform, F/F, Forgiveness, M/M, Pinkberry, Starting Over, actually highkey, also there's lowkey, bmc, boyf riends — Freeform, it's all gay, meremy, theyre together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-18
Updated: 2017-12-22
Packaged: 2018-11-15 18:46:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 26,657
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11236998
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheatreThings/pseuds/TheatreThings
Summary: Jeremy and Michael have been dating and managed to keep this secret. But there's a rumor starting that could change everything for them.





	1. Chapter 1

Chapter One  
Michael got his bookbag out of his locker. It was Friday and he decided to just cut class and leave early. He walked through the strangely empty hallways of the high school and spotted Jeremy, his best friend whom he's secretly been dating for over three years now, at his own locker. He approached him, “It’s Friday, wanna get stoned and play video games in my basement tonight?”  
Jeremy looks away from his locker to look at him. He accepts the offer, “Obviously. Will there be making out?”  
Michael checks that absolutely nobody's around before kissing him on the cheek, “There will.”  
“Careful with the PDA,” Jeremy reminds, “I'm not out.”  
“I know. Hey speaking of that, why aren't you?” he asks as he tries to be cool and leans against the locker next to Jeremy’s.  
“Not sure,” he shrugs and looks back in his locker, clearly looking for something “I'm just not ready. Why are _you_ skipping class?”  
“Why are you?” Michael raises an eyebrow.  
“Touché,” Jeremy laughs.  
He grabs Jeremy’s bag from the open locker, “But I’m skipping because I'm planning on ditching, you can come with me. We could go to that little music and game store a few blocks away?”  
“Okay,” he’s a bit reluctant, “but it's getting cold and I forgot a jacket this morning. Also I'm trying to find my English textbook.”  
Michael sighs and takes off his hoodie, revealing an old band t-shirt underneath, he offers it to Jeremy, “Now?”  
“What about the textbook?” he's still unsure.  
“That can wait,” he puts the hoodie in his hand.  
Jeremy pulls it on. The hood of it practically covers his eyes completely and the sleeves are far too long for his arms. “Let's go,” he laughs and grabs his bag from his boyfriend, putting it on his back. The two are almost out the door when they're called back by a strict teacher who works in the office.  
“Where are you two boys headed?” she gives them a suspicious and angry look, “I'm sure you'd never be trying to ditch?”  
“N-no. We...we were just...you see,” Michael stumbles over words.  
Jeremy tries to help them out of the situation, “Getting my English textbook from Michael’s car! I forgot it in there when he gave me a ride this morning…”  
Michael gives him a confused look, “I just walk to-” Jeremy elbows him in the side to make him stop talking.  
“Where’s your hall pass? Why are you taking your bags?” she glares.  
They silently stand trapped in the lie. Luckily, the teacher suddenly is distracted by the janitor bringing two boys he found having a fist fight to the office. She walks over to ask him what he saw of it. The ttwo bolt out of the school down the street.  
They stop once the school’s at least a block away. “Holy shit,” Michael laughs in disbelief.  
“We actually just did that,” Jeremy exhales, “oh my god.”  
“Yeah,” Michael nods, “wanna go to that shop now?”  
“Sure.” They start the short walk. It's relatively cold for a fall afternoon in New Jersey. During their walk Michael casually grasps onto Jeremy's hand. They're halfway there when Jeremy stops in his tracks, stopping Michael too, “Nobody is around. We could kiss in public.”  
“We could,” Michael blushes. He looks around before pulling the hood of his hoodie up on Jeremy and using it to pull him close so that their lips touch for a short moment.  
They pull away and Michael goes to speak but is interrupted by his boyfriend’s phone ringing.  
Jeremy takes his phone from his jeans pocket to check who it is, “Shit. It's my dad, I have to answer this.”  
Michael stands nearby and hears half of the conversation. From what he's hears it's mostly Jeremy saying ‘uh’, ‘sorry’, ‘I will’, and ‘soon’. When it's over he explains what it was about. The school called his dad about him ditching with Michael and he was not particularly thrilled about it. Plus he says there's an ongoing problem they need to confront.  
“I gotta go, like, now,” Jeremy apologizes. He gives Michael another quick kiss before hurrying off to his house.  
\----  
“Dad?” he calls out when he gets inside the house, “Are you at least wearing pants for this?”  
“In the kitchen and no; but we have to talk. Come here,” for once in god knows how long he genuinely sounds stern. Like how a normal parent is with a teen breaking a rule, minus the fact that he won't wear pants. If you ignore that factor he's being normal. Jeremy walks from the living room where he entered into the kitchen and sits down across from his dad at the table.  
“Jeremy,” he starts off, “you're a smart kid. Why'd you ditch class?”  
“It's something I've never done before and I figured it wouldn't be a big deal,” he shrugs nervously, “we were gonna go to this nerdy little shop.”  
“Alright then. That's all you two were gonna do?” it seems like he's trying to hint at something.  
“Um...yeah?” He panics thinking that he might know about their relationship. Him wearing his hoodie is definitely not helping the case.  
“You two weren't gonna buy weed? You don't...I don't know...get stoned?” he accuses. Jeremy opens his mouth in surprise before closing it again, not knowing what to say.  
“Son, I know.”  
“About what?” he asks all too fast.  
“The weed,” he is clearly confused, “I thought I made that clear. Oh christ...are you high right now?”  
“No!” This situation isn't good but he's relieved that their relationship is still hidden.  
“Then what else is there that I'd know about that I shouldn't? Hold on, why are you wearing Michael’s hoodie?” he raises an eyebrow.  
Jeremy shakes his head, “Nothing. And I was cold so he let me borrow it…”  
“You two seem to be very close friends,” he observes with a possible slight suspicion, “and he's a good kid but if you keep this up I'll have to keep you two away from each other. Got it?”  
“Got it.” He nods.  
“Alright, go do...whatever- not drugs!” that's how he's dismissed. He goes upstairs and into his room, closing the door behind him he calls Michael.  
“How'd the talk with your dad go?” he asks as soon as he answers the phone.  
“Pretty okay; he found out about the weed but basically just gave me a warning. I kinda wish he would've grounded me or something, like a dad should,” Jeremy admits and opens up his nightstand drawer.  
Michael nods despite knowing them not being able to see each other on the phone, “Sorry about your dad not being, um, much of a dad. Are you coming over?”  
Jeremy’s in the middle of grabbing a condom from the drawer, “Yeah, I'll see you in a little bit.”  
“Good, remember that my parents are gone for the weekend,” Michael reminds suggestively.  
“I know, I'm about to leave” he puts the condom into his jeans pocket and hangs up. Then he thinks for a moment and takes a couple more. “Just in case we need more,” he tells himself before going back downstairs.  
“Where are you going?” his dad inquiries.  
He decides to be honest, “Michael's.” That earns him a disappointed questioning look. Now he lies, “We’re not gonna get stoned, just play video games and hang out.” His dad stands, saying he wants to check his pockets to make sure he doesn't have weed on him.  
“I swear I don't!” he’s so scared he can hardly breathe.  
“Then just empty your pockets,” he's not letting Jeremy leave until he obliges, “if you don't have any it shouldn't be a big deal.” He finally empties his pockets except the one with the few condoms. His dad sighs exasperatedly and empties that pocket himself, “Why are you making this so difficult if you supposedly-” he stops mid sentence when he sees what his son was hiding, “you're not actually going to Michaels? Jeremy, you have got to stop lying to me! Where are you really going? Who is she?”  
“I am really going to Michael’s,” his face is continuing to go red with embarrassment and a weird sort of fear.  
His dad is clearly frustrated, “Well are there girls going over there then?”  
“No! Dad, can you not take a hint?” he tries to hold back tears but can't anymore, “I'm bisexual and Michael is gay, we’re dating.”  
Mr. Heere hugs his son. Feeling a bit guilty for forcing him out, “Okay, that's okay. Do his parents know?”  
Jeremy shakes his head, “They're always away on business trips so it never comes up. You're the only one who knows now.” Jeremy steps back to see how his father's reacting, he doesn't seem upset but he's definitely processing the news.  
“Jeremy, you can go now. Just um...be careful.”  
The walk to Michael's house is short. Just a few blocks until he's standing at the door of the average sized home. He knocks and Michael yells for him to just come in, “We have been friends for 12 years and together for 3 of those years. You can just come in at this point.”  
He sits next to him on the couch, “Speaking of how long we’ve been dating, isn't this where we first kissed?”  
Michael thinks before responding, “Yeah! We were here alone and you were upset because Jake Dillinger was spreading rumors about you and I was comforting you. Then I kissed you, you kissed me back, we started dating.”  
Jeremy smiles fondly at the memory, “Did you even know I’m into guys when you did that?”  
“Nope,” he confesses, “I was just being a hopeful young gay who decided to take a chance. Wanna go get high and fool around?”  
“Wow that was straightforward,” Jeremy states the obvious, “but first I have something to tell you.”  
“What?” his happiness turns to worry when he hears Jeremy’s tone.  
“I told my dad about us...he's cool with it. I mean he kinda found out? He thought I was trying to sneak weed over here so he made me empty my pockets and he saw the condoms-”  
“You brought condoms?”  
“Yeah,” his face grows hot with embarrassment, “I mean we’re here alone and when we get high we both tend to…” he trails off.  
“I know,” he stands up, “wanna go get stoned now?”  
\---  
Thirty minutes pass and they're in the basement, high and laughing hysterically at everything. Jeremy gets up from the floor, “Let's get food!”  
“Wait, wait,” Michael stands after him, “first let's do this.” He presses him against the wall and kisses him. Jeremy giggles against his boyfriend's lips.  
“What is it?” he asks without moving away.  
“Your hands on my waist...it tickles,” Jeremy catches his breathe.  
Micael moves his hands from his waist to the back of his thighs. Where he lifts him up.  
“Oh,” Jeremy wraps his legs around his boyfriend's waist, “okay yeah; this works.” He carries him over to the old sofa in the basement and lays down on it, letting Jeremy hover over him. He quickly presses their lips together again. Jeremy pulls a condom from his pocket.  
Michael pulls away yet again, “Let’s tell people at school about us.”  
“Are you high,” Jeremy says as a joke, “wait….you literally are. But still what does this have to do with us about to have sex?”  
“So are you, you nerd,” he kisses his neck, “and nothing it's just that I’ve been thinking about it.”  
“Why do you-” his breath hitches in his throat as Michael lightly sucks at his neck, “wanna tell them?”  
He stops kissing at that spot, seeming proud of the hickey he caused, “Because! We’ve been together since we were probably 14 and now we’re 17. Three years and nobody knows! They don't even know that I'm gay. Let's tell people!”  
“They don't need to know,” Jeremy tries to just start kissing him again.  
“I want them to know how much I love you,” he laughs before starting to yell, “I AM SO GAY AND IN LOVE WITH JEREMY HEERE!”  
Jeremy covers his mouth and starts laughing. He rolls off of Michael, falling from the couch they were laying on. They both laugh even harder at that.  
“Heyyyyy,” Michael groans, “come back.”  
“Why?” Jeremy asks from the floor.  
“Why do you think?” the question is rhetorical.  
Jeremy laughs mischievously, “I'll be as submissive as you want tonight but you gotta catch me first.” He trips upstairs into the living room. Michael follows him up, Jeremy is laying down on the couch like he's been waiting for a long time and Michael gets on him. They get back to kissing and Jeremy opens the condom.  
\---  
From the small park across from Michael’s house Jenna Rolan saw some shadows behind blinds moving around in a suggestive manner. She immediately pulls out her phone to text Chloe.  
**Jenna: You know Michael Mell?**  
**Chloe: Quiet kid with the headphones?**  
**Jenna: Yeah him!**  
**Chloe: Yeah..?**  
**Jenna: Well look at what I'm seeing from where he's supposedly home alone...**  
***Attachment: 1 Image***  
**Chloe: OMG is that him and someone else?**  
**Jenna: Yes! I'm about to tweet it. I gotta admit I've seen things like this before, he's a bit of a slut unless it's like with the same girl every time.**  
**Chloe: Maybe you shouldn't post it; if it's not a girl you could out him and someone? Me and Brooke wanted to keep our relationship a secret for awhile. Also it could be considered illegal to post that without their permission, after taking it without their permission.**  
**Jenna: It'll be fine. You can't tell what the other person's gender is since they're on the bottom, nobody will know who it is or if he's gay. And you can't see anything super explicit.**  
**Chloe: Alright..**  
Chloe sets her phone down and sighs, looking to her girlfriend who's sitting next to her. She was showing her the whole conversation.  
“What do we do?” Chloe wonders, “We've seen Michael and Jeremy kissing before. It was probably them she saw and what if someone figures that out. They don't wanna be out yet.”  
Brooke sighs and rests her head in Chloe's lap, “We can't stop her from accidentally outing them without outing them. There's basically nothing we can do.”  
“I know. Wanna go get frozen yogurt?” she thinks out loud.  
“Sure,” she lifts her head to give her a quick kiss on the lips.  
\----  
Michael and Jeremy had finished having sex and are now just cuddling on the couch when Michael notices his Twitter notifications blowing up.  
“What's that about?” Jeremy peeks over at his phone.  
“No clue,” he clicks onto the app and refreshes it.  
“Oh no,” he groans, “that one gossip account for school posted a picture of our shadows through the blinds.”  
Jeremy instantly goes to check on his phone, “Do they know it’s us?”  
Michael scrolls through the replies, “No. They know it's me since it's my house but that's it. The situation isn't good but nobody's being outed.”  
“Wasn't it like illegal for whoever took that picture to take it and post it?” Jeremy realizes.  
“Probably,” Michael agrees, “but it’s already happened.”  
He looks at all the messages people have sent him, an ongoing theme is people saying things along the lines of ‘Is it true Chloe is cheating on Brooke with you?’.  
“Fuck,” he shows him the phone, “clearly someone spread a rumor that you're Chloe.” He checks her account and sees people sending her threats, calling her a whore, and harassing her overall, “I may have to out myself here.”  
“Why?”  
“Chloe doesn't deserve this shit.”  
Jeremy acknowledges that fact, “But I don't wanna be out and keeping us a secret would be even harder. Everything is so complicated right now.”  
“It doesn't have to be,” he puts his hand over Jeremy's only for Jeremy to pull back.  
Jeremy stands and puts his clothes, which were strewn across the room, back on. “I should head home.”  
“Jeremy-” Michael starts sadly and is interrupted.  
“I'm sorry,” he shakes his head and walks out.  
Michael slumps down on the couch. Is there a way out of this where nobody gets hurt?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this is badly written but please give it kudos or comment to let me know if you want me to continue going with it!  
>  <3 (literally if one person does i'll keep it going)


	2. Chapter 2

  Jeremy walks home and makes sure that nobody sees him leave Michael's house. Secretly, as he walks on the sidewalk he’s choking back tears. To make sure nobody notices that he keeps his eyes fixed on the ground in front of him. When he's halfway to his house he gets a call from Michael. He lets it ring a few times before coming to decision that he should stop to answer it, “What is it?”

  
“I came out. Before you freak out, nobody knows it was you. You're fine.”

  
“Alright,” he stays in place, “but I think we need to distance ourselves so there's nobody suspicious.”

  
   Michael is mid-sentence when Jeremy hangs up because he sees Rich, Jake, and some other popular guys from school coming his way.   
“Heere!” a guy he recognizes from the grade above him calls out, “Did you know that about your weird friend with the headphones?”  
“Know what?” his fake confusion is good enough to fool them.  
“He's gay,” another guy says.  
Jeremy fakes surprise and slight disapproval.  
  The guys go on but Rich hangs back, “Why are you lying?”

  
“What do you-”

  
“I know,” he lowers his voice, “trouble in paradise?”

  
Jeremy drops the act, “No. Sorta. I don't know! I think for the remainder of high school I'm giving up on guys, I'm gonna be cool.”

  
“Firstly,” Rich starts off, “you can still be bi; I am. You can't change that. Your sexuality doesn't have to matter. All you need is a squip and then people don't care. It'll make it so you're chill and that's all they care about.”

  
“Squip?” Jeremy laughs at the name, “What the hell does that mean?”

  
“Super quantum unit intel processor. A pill you take that teaches you how to get popular,” Rich pulls him off in a different direction, “it'll implant itself in your brain and you do what it tells you. You'll have the best reputation in no time.”

  
“W-where are we going?” Jeremy realizes that he's now walking down a road he's never been on before with a guy he's hardly ever spoken to.

  
“My house. I've got spare squips,” he explains vaguely.

  
“Is this some weird type of prank?” Jeremy stops walking forward.

  
Rich is evidently exasperated by all the questions, “No. These things are normally around $600 but you can take it for free.”

  
“Seriously?” Jeremy is slowly starting to believe him about this.

  
“Yeah, let's go,” Rich grabs him by the arm and drags him along, “you need it. Desperately.”

  
Jeremy follows along with this whole squip thing up until he's actually standing in Rich’s house holding it.

  
“Well,” Rich hands him a bottle of Mountain Dew, “you gonna take it?”

  
He inspects the grey pill, stunned, “Yeah….so this thing is for real?”

  
“For the thousandth time,” Rich groans, “yes! Now are you gonna take it or not? I've got better shit to do.”

  
Jeremy nods, swallowing the pill. He waits a few minutes and says that it's not working, “Fine. You got me, I actually believed you. Very funny. What was-” he stops and yells in pain. He clutches onto his head, “What the fuck!” Rich watches the same process he had to endure in amusement.

  
He knows it must've worked when Jeremy starts talking to himself, “Tall-ass, you only need to think to it.”

  
“I figured that out,” he realizes something, “wait. What do you want me to do for you now that you gave me this? Is there some sort of trade? What's the catch?”

  
Rich rolls his eyes, “No. I told you already. You can just take it and go.”  
Jeremy's about to awkwardly apologize and leave but the squip stops him.  
“What is it?” he thinks to it.  
“Jeremy,” the squip tells him, “repeat what I say. ‘Oh right, thanks. See you around’”.

  
He does as he's told and walks home, being instructed on how to walk and not look awkward the whole time.  
“Quit carrying yourself like you're not used to your own body,” it constantly reminds him.  
\---  
    Meanwhile Michael is sitting on the porch outside his house, trying to get ahold of Jeremy. But he never picks up the phone and keeps leaving his texts on read. A group of guys from school pass by.

  
“Um hey,” he shyly grabs their attention, “have you guys seen Jeremy?”

  
“Yeah,” one of them speaks up, “he's hanging with Rich.”

  
“Where?”

  
“Somewhere. They're avoiding you, fucking queer,” the same guy answers with a harsh laugh. Michael ignores the insult and goes inside without saying another word.

  
He chooses to text Jeremy one more time before getting high and forgetting about all that's going on.  
He types out ‘Player 2?’ and hits send.  
\---  
    Jeremy gets another text from Michael as soon as he gets home, “Player 2?” He ignores the text. The squip tells him what to do, “Michael is too clingy. He's not good for your reputation.”

  
“What do you mean?” he slips up and says it out loud.

  
“Jeremy,” his dad comes into the room, “why are you back so early? Who are you talking to?”

  
“We had a fight and nobody,” he avoids his dad who's about to ask something else and goes up to his room.

  
“Real smooth,” the squip appears in his room as if it were a human. Except he's slightly see-through; like a hologram.

  
Jeremy jumps back, “You look like Keanu Reeves...and why are you being sarcastic? You're a computer!”

  
“Supercomputer,” he rolls his eyes and sits down at Jeremy's desk, “you need to get rid of Michael.”

  
A look of fear washes over Jeremy's face and the squip laughs, “Not in a murder way; break up with him. Don't just distance yourselves, you need to leave him completely. He's bad for your reputation. That is why you got me, correct? You need a better reputation?”

  
He nods, “But Michael doesn't deserve that. He's my best friend and I love him-”  
“Jeremy. You need to do what I say for this to work,” he crosses the room, “call him.”

  
“But-”  
The squip takes Jeremy's phone from his pocket and forces it into his hand. “Obey me,” he demands, “repeat after me when you're talking to him or you'll regret it.”  
\---  
    Michael doesn't want to seem desperate yet as soon as he sees it's Jeremy calling him he answers the call, “Hey! What's going on? Are you gonna come back over tonight?”

  
Jeremy can tell from the sound of his voice that he's high, “Uhm no. We need to talk.”

  
“About?”

  
“Oh…on second thought nevermind it's-” the squip practically takes over Jeremy because he's not following orders, “we need to break up.”

  
In Michael's state he thinks maybe it's just some joke, “Oh yeah right.”

  
Jeremy can't handle breaking his heart. He asks the squip if he can just go with it being a joke and keep things the way they were but he doesn't let him, “I'm serious.”

  
Michael stays silent for a few minutes before he asks, “Why? It's been three years. What happened?”

  
All Jeremy wants to do is explain what's happening to him. He's not in control, he wants to stay together. Instead the squip makes him hurt Michael even more, “I don't love you anymore. I mean, I'm not sure I ever did. I've got some better opportunities now. Consider everything we ever had done, loser.” With that he hangs up.

  
Michael stares down at his phone in shock. Is that actually the same Jeremy he's known for 12 years? Is he really so afraid to come out that he felt the need to say all of that? Just then he gets a message from Brooke, “How did coming out go?”  
“Terrible,” he sends.  
He gets a response almost immediately, “Me and Chloe are on our way over to talk about it.”  
“Thanks.”  
\---  
   “What the hell?” Jeremy looks to the squip in it's human form.

  
“I told you,” his voice is stern, “you have to do what I say or you'll regret it. You weren't gonna listen so I had to do it myself but I made it even harsher than it would've been if you would've just done as I instructed. This is for your own good. Understood?”

  
Jeremy looks at the picture of him and Michael on his desk. They can't be older than seven in it, both smiling at the camera with a few missing teeth. Arms around each other's shoulders. Michael had these giant glasses that took up half of his face. Even back then they were best friends.

  
“Jeremy?” the squip asks in a slightly threatening tone.

  
He’s pulled back into reality, “Understood.”

  
    "Good. Now, there is a party at Dustin Croft’s house tonight. You're going to go.” The squip is looking through his closet for something that he could wear to the party.

  
Eventually he pulls out a plain t-shirt and pair of jeans, “Good enough for now. Get dressed."

  
“Shouldn't I ask my dad if I can go first?” Jeremy gets ready to open the door when the squip bursts out laughing.

  
The squip gets even more sarcastic than he was previously. “Oh yeah. He's totally gonna let you go, especially after finding out you smoke pot. Hell he could even give you a ride! Changing your reputation is going to be a challenge for me…”

  
“Can you?” Jeremy is genuinely afraid for a second.

  
“Yes. I can do anything,” he scoffs, “you're gonna have to sneak out. With my help the plan is foolproof.”  
\---  
   Chloe and Brooke were planning on just walking into Michael's house, they didn't wanna bother him with having to let guests in. But the door was locked so they had to ring the doorbell and wait for him to come get them from where he was in the basement. He welcomed them in.

  
“Your eyes are so red! You must've been crying so much!” Brooke hugs him. He and Chloe give a quick, short laugh.

  
“Brooke,” Chloe sets a hand on her girlfriend’s shoulder and she lets go of Michael, “he hasn't been crying; he's high.”

  
“Well. You're both right,” he shrugs.

  
“Have no fear,” Chloe heroically puts a hand on her hip, “your fellow gays are here! Now, what happened?”

  
“A lot. Wanna get stoned before I tell you?” he offers.

  
“No,” Chloe pulls him down onto the couch. Her and Brooke sit on either side of him.

  
“Tell us,” Brooke gives a reassuring smile.  
He finishes explaining everything that happened from when they ditched school up until right now when he realizes he never told them about being with Jeremy and gets scared that he just outed him. “Hold on can you guys just act like I never said any of that?”

  
“Why?” Chloe asks.

  
“I never told you guys about me and Jeremy and he doesn't wanna be openly bisexual,” he shakes his head, “pretend you never heard any of that.”

  
Chloe and Brooke both explain that they caught them kissing.

  
“Where? When? Did you tell anyone?” he hurriedly asks.

  
Brooke answers, “Hiding under the bleachers like last month; we were gonna do the same thing. And of course not.”

  
He takes a breath and calms down. The panic and worry is replaced with simple heartbreak. It takes all he has left to not break down crying in front of them, “Okay...I'm alright. Sorry for bothering you two with all of this. You two can go if you want.”

  
“We’re happy to help,” Chloe assures. Brooke nods in agreement, “Are you sure you want us to go.”

  
“Yeah,” his voice breaks slightly, “I kinda wanna be alone right now.”

  
“Alright,” Brooke is first to stand, “but we’re here whenever it you need someone.” Chloe follows her.  
“Thanks.”

  
“No problem,” she leaves holding hands with her girlfriend. They walk off in the direction of Dustin Croft’s house.  
\---  
  Jeremy arrives to the party and walks in right behind Chloe and Brooke. He sees Rich and pulls him aside, “That pill has not helped me at all. It's made things worse.”

  
He shakes his head, “That's how it feels at first. But everything it's doing is for your own good. Wait and see! Now, I've gotta go flirt with Jake and see if he notices yet.”

  
“But he's a guy.”

  
Rich raises an eyebrow, “And…?”

  
“The squip is against that.”

  
Rich becomes even more confused, “No it's not.”

  
Jeremy thinks for a second, “It made me break up with Michael.”

  
“Cause he's a loser,” he starts to walk away, “not ‘cause he's a guy.”

  
He realizes this means he could've been out with Michael and it wouldn't have been a big deal.

  
“That's not true. It'd be a big deal because he is not chill,” the squip chimes in, “remember the reputation.”

  
He's becoming frustrated with the supercomputer, “No. That's not what I wanted!”

  
“You were scared of what people would think if they knew you're bisexual and you _wanted_ a good reputation. I got rid of the one red flag that you're into guys, a boyfriend, and now I'm helping your social status rise. It's what you wanted and more. You're just too hooked on that one boy to see how much better off you are,” the squip shows up in its human form to motion around the crowded room , “but look around you. Look at how many more people there are. People who aren't outcast freaks. Are you with me on this?”

  
Jeremy gulps, considering the vast possibilities.The squip stares him down.

He sighs heavily, “I am. Let's do this.”  
“Good. Follow me.”

  
  


 


	3. Chapter 3

The squip leads Jeremy into the center of the crowd, “You need to find a popular girl to hook up with. It'll improve your reputation amongst popular peers.”

“I know. Or a popular guy,” he adds in.

“No,” the squip now takes him to the other side of the crowd, “if anyone knows you like guys they'll easily be able to figure out you were with Michael. That past mistake would be a setback.”

Before he can even think the squip is talking again, “Yes, dating Michael was a mistake. I am a supercomputer; don't try to argue with me. I know you better than you know yourself. Approach Madeline.”

Jeremy lets every single doubt he had about the squip fall away for now and finally just does as he's told.  
\---

Monday morning. Michael's parents will be getting home from their business trip while he's at school, he makes sure everything is clean and there's no signs he was high most of the weekend before heading to school. He walks there, avoiding socializing as usual. As soon as he steps into the school he feels multiple people turn to look at him. Great. Before they could all call him stoner, loser, creep; now they can add on whore and whatever homophobic slur they choose.

Even if he did sleep around, like they all assume since they don't know he ~~has~~ \- well, had a boyfriend, it's still his choice and none of their business. Fuck it. Let them think what they want. It's not like he can come right out and let them all know Jeremy's the only person he's ever been with. No matter how pissed he is at Jeremy he would never out him.

On his way to his locker he passes the usual popular crown. However, they've gained a new ‘member’. Jeremy stands talking and laughing with the group. His best friend turned into a totally different person over the course of one weekend. Ex-best friend? They're not dating anymore but are they still friends?

He can't exactly go up and ask with this group. He could say they need to talk if he were actually brave enough to make his way through the large crowd. Standing across the hall, contemplating on if he should go over to him. A shaky fear rises in him, restricting his breathing and making everything slightly blurry. Confront the situation? Let it be? Which way does he handle this?  
  
Jeremy notices him staring, “What the fuck are you looking at?”  
  
Michael stumbles over his own words. Jeremy talks over him, “Go away, fag.” He hears someone in the group laugh and another person say “what a freak”. The pieces of hope that Jeremy might not actually have changed so much are crushed.

He turns to leave but through the anxiety something deeper in him stops him from leaving this. Fight back. Don't just let him start pushing you around. “You know you're the only one who really cares that much about my sexuality.”

“What is that supposed to mean?” Jeremy moves out of the crowd so they're practically staring each other down. Tension fills the hall.

“You’re making a big deal out of nothing,” he shrugs, “quit making things more complicated.” The surrounding peers share looks of confusion; they don't know what he's actually alluding to.

Jeremy pretends he doesn't understand what Michael really means either, “You are such a freak. Leave me alone.”

This time Michael does as he's told. The odd rush of courage now completely gone, he wishes he could just curl up into his hoodie and hide there. Obviously all eyes are on him as he sulks off to his locker. He hears the typical insults people mumble under their breath. They don't get to him as much anymore; he's been called it all before.

The squip is obviously frustrated with Jeremy, “Quit making this such a disaster!”

“I did everything you told me to!” he accidentally argues out loud but in the commotion of the hall nobody notices.

“Quiet!” it snaps at him. “You did not follow the directions word for word. I've told you how important that is.”  
  
“Okay,” this time he's thinking to it, “I'll follow your exact instructions. Just let me talk to Michael to explain why I'm doing this; we can find somewhere private to talk and keep it a secret.”

The squip appears in its holographic-like human form, “No. You need to drop him completely.”

“What if I get him to be chill too. I miss my best friend,” Jeremy confesses.

“Seriously? You're crushing on him?” the squip laughs in disbelief, “You wanted me to get you a better reputation and I've told you that is not possible with him around you.”

“I never said I'm crushing on-”

“I'm in your head, Jeremy, I know,” it throws its hands up in frustration.

Jeremy was walking down the hall to his class but he turns and goes into the bathroom where he's, luckily, the only person there. “I can't help how I feel about him! What if we hook up and stay friends but keep it a secret?”

“Sure,” the squip sneers, “because that worked out so well the last time. Heere, what do you want?”

“I don't know,” he leans against the wall. He hears somebody else come into the bathroom but doesn't see who as his head is resting in his hands.

“Jere?” Jeremy immediately recognizes Michael’s voice, “Are you okay?”

He looks up and nods, holding back tears. Michael asks him if he's sure and sits down on the floor beside him, inviting him to join. He does so and that's when the tears manage to escape. At first it's barely noticeable that he's crying, then it turns to sobs and he draws his knees to his chest.

Michael hugs him, still caring about him despite how he's been treated, “What's wrong? Are you being threatened?”

“No,” to Michael's surprise he hugs back, “I'm in a really...confusing place. Come over tonight and I'll explain everything; but don't let anyone know we’re hanging out together. It's part of what I'll explain.”

They both pull away and Jeremy looks into Michael's eyes then glances down at his lips.

“What is it?” Michael smiles.

“Hm?” he's still staring.

Michael puts a thumb under Jeremy’s chin and lifts his face up, “What are you looking at?”

“I really wanna kiss you, but I shouldn't. You probably don't want me to after all I've done,” his cheeks are bright red.

Michael goes in for a kiss and Jeremy melts into it. He climbs up on his lap and they start making out. All of a sudden some guy from the popular crowd walks in. Jeremy notices him instantly, Michael doesn't, he shoves him off of his lap. Pushing a little too hard in the wrong direction he accidentally slams his head against the wall, “Get off of me! Faggot creep!”

“Oh shit,” the guy gasps and looks to Jeremy, “was that freak trying to get with you?”

“Yeah,” he stands and brushes himself off, “he knows I don't even like dudes.”

The two look at Michael, hurt on the ground with a scratch on his forehead dripping blood down his face. “I'm sorry. I thought you...I thought you wanted to,” he chokes out with a shaking voice.

“Get out of here, perv,” Jeremy watches as the guy pulls Michael out of the bathroom by the neck of his hoodie and practically tosses him onto the floor of the hall. “What a weirdo,” he says to Jeremy when the door closes.

“Yeah, thanks.” Jeremy walks out. Ignoring Michael who's now leaning against the wall in one of main the hallways, wiping blood from his face and trying to stop crying.

Jeremy goes to class and the squip talks to him the entire time, “No more being with Michael.”

“I have to explain this to him,” he points out, “then it's all done between us.”

“Explaining it would ruin it. Plus that's not all you want to do. I'm inside your mind and I know who you want to fool around with. I can't let that setback happen. I'm going to block Michael from your field of vision,” he explains the process and the reasoning. Jeremy agrees to it.

\---

Michael hears a teacher yell to him from down the hallway. He ignores it and they get closer. He figures out whoever it is is shouting, “Are you okay?”

He stands up, still ignoring them because he doesn't want to go over all that happened, and walks towards one of the exits. The teacher follows after him. He only walks out and heads through the woods outside his school, the teacher doesn't follow him out of the school.

Sometimes at football games he and Jeremy were dragged into attending they'd sneak off over here to kiss. Surprisingly, not many people go back here. Once you walk far enough you reach part of a small river that runs through the town. This is where he goes to. He sits at the riverbank, wiping the blood from his face.

\---

The cafeteria is easier for Jeremy to navigate now. The squip directs him over to Madeline, it says they really hit it off at the party. Before Jeremy realizes fully what he's done, more like what the squip made him do, he's sneaking off with Madeline to the woods he used to visit with Michael. Don't think of him. Forget all of that.

They get near the small river and start to kiss, Madeline pushed against a tree.

\---

Michael hears people talking and moving around, when he turns around he sees Jeremy making out with Madeline. He's started lifting her skirt up.

“Wanna do this?” he whispers to her.

“Yeah,” she bites her lip, “what if we get caught?”

“Trust me, we won't,” he kisses at her collarbone. Michael knows that's one of his favorite places to kiss. He ~~loves~~...loved the way Michael reacted to it.

Michael debates on if he should leave or just hide, not in a weird way, he definitely does _not_ want to hear this but if he leaves and gets caught will they think he was purposely listening? Then again they'd surely think that even more if they caught him hiding. He decides to sneak off but as soon as he stands a twig snaps and Madeline, now topless, looks over and screams.

\---

The squip quickly turns off the optic nerve blocking, now it actually matters that he sees Michael there.

\---

“What the fuck you creep!” she yells.

“No- no I wasn't,” he stumbles over words, “I was here and then you guys showed up and I wanted to leave!”

“Liar,” she angrily throws a rock at him and he ducks out of the way, “you were spying on me cause you can't get a girl.”

“Wait. You didn't already hear? Thought other people's business spread instantly around here,” he scoffs, “I'm gay.”

“So you were watching him?” she points to Jeremy who's been silent.

“I wasn't watching anyone! Let me leave you two alone,” he walks away only to be shoved onto the ground from behind by Jeremy.

“What the hell!” he tries getting up. Jeremy grabs onto his hood and drags him to the river, pushing him in and shoving him under then walking away. He pulls himself up to the riverbank.

Jeremy and Madeline watch and snicker to each other, “How pathetic.”

All Michael does is grab his phone from the dirt, it fell out of his pocket when Jeremy tackled him, and walks down the river in the direction of the road that will lead to his street. He ignores everything they call out to him.

He relies on instincts to get home and gets lost in an internal battle of thoughts.

‘Remember when he used to look at you the way he looked at her? He wasn't looking at her like that; there's something wrong that can't be him. But it is him. He grew up, why couldn't you? That can't be what happened. Somebody else is controlling him. I don't know how, but they are. Are you still gonna go over there tonight? Yes. I need an answer.”

\---

The squip turns the optic nerve blocking back on.

\---

“What happened?” Michael's mom immediately asks when she sees him, soaking wet and bleeding.

“A lot,” he doesn't wanna have to explain everything. It's painful.

“Tell me,” she genuinely cares so much.

“There's something you need to know first,” he takes a breath, “I'm gay.”

He's shaking from both fear and being cold. She instantly hugs him, “I know. I've known since you were little.”

“You're okay with it? I mean, I'm your only kid. What if I can't adopt? What about grandchildren?” a strange sort of guilt is obvious in his voice.

“Michael,” she's moved away and is getting something from her purse, “I love you no matter what. And I found something I wanted you to have but I couldn't give you it until you told me yourself.” She holds out an iron-on rainbow flag patch. He can't stop smiling as he takes it. “I figured it'd go nicely with all the other patches on that hoodie. Speaking of, can I wash it first? It's all wet and muddy.”

He takes it off and is wearing a retro video game shirt underneath, “Yeah. Thanks for being so good with all of this, I love you too.” He hugs her then explains everything from this past weekend, minus the weed and the sex. When it comes to that he says they were only making out and leaves the weed out completely.

\---

That night he comes out of the basement and pulls on his shoes, ready to walk to Jeremy's wearing a random jacket he never wears so that nobody thinks it's him. He doesn't fully understand this big secrecy thing but he’ll go with it if that's what Jeremy wants.

“It's late, where are you going?” his father asks.

“Jeremy's house; we need to talk about something important.”

He blocks the door, “I thought you two were on bad terms? That's what your mom told me.”

“We are,” he tries to get around him, “but this is to fix that.”

He lets him leave, “Fine. Be careful.”

\---

It's almost 11 at night and Jeremy's just been sitting in the kitchen on his phone, “rebranding” his social media now that he's changed. He stands and makes his way to the steps up to his room when there's a small knock at the door. He jumps slightly in surprise.

“Who would that be,” he thinks to himself.

It wasn't directed to it but the squip still responds, “It's Michael. I've blocked him from your field of vision for your own good. Remember?”

Jeremy looks out the window to where Michael must be, “Should you...unblock him?”

“No, just go upstairs to bed,” it commands and he follows along.

\---

Michael saw Jeremy looking out the window. They looked directly at each other. All he did was walk away. He thinks while waiting outside for a little longer, “I thought he wanted me to come tonight. Why would he say that then act like I'm not even there?”

He feels the burning tears come to his eyes and turns to go home before they spill over.

__

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the wait ya girl is bipolar and can only write when she's doing okay or is manic (bc when she's going through a depressive episode she just sleeps all the time) thanks for being patient with me <3


	4. Chapter 4

Michael spends the rest of that school week avoiding everybody. That's usual for him although, obviously, now he's not even talking to Jeremy and he's almost  scared that someone will try talking with him. Not just in an ‘oh hi’ way but in a full on conversation and ‘let's hang out’ way. What's he supposed to do? Awkwardly pretend there's nothing wrong? Open up to someone he hardly knows? Then again, who would want to talk to him with all the rumors going around? He doesn't even know all the things he's supposedly done at this point. Luckily they're getting really far-fetched. Not many people will keep believing them.

It's finally the weekend after this hellish week. Next Tuesday is Halloween. Everyone knows Saturday night Jake will be having a big Halloween party. He's been doing this yearly since eighth grade and everybody in their grade is always invited, not that they show up. Most of the peers do assume it's still only for the popular cliques. Usually Michael and Jeremy would go together with some sort of partner costume; Michael doesn't plan to go at all this year. He and Jeremy ignored the unspoken “actually for the cool ones” rule but now that it's just Michael he'll acknowledge it.

It's the night of the party and his mom comes into his room, looking concerned, “Aren't you going to Jake’s party?”

“No,” he's laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling.

“But you always go-”

“I don't even know Jake that well,” that's not necessarily a lie.

“I know. You still have gone every year with Jeremy, you guys always had those matching costumes,” she sits down on the edge of the bed.

“I told you-”

“Jeremy broke up with you, I know. But aren't you two still friends? Shouldn't you just...make up?” she suggests.

“He doesn't want anything to do with me. Whatever we had going on is gone by now,” he turns his back to her by laying on his side now.

She goes to speak again, something about making your own fun, but Michael starts again, “Please just….leave me alone for now.” He's relieved that his voice didn't betray him by cracking and showing that he's choking back tears.  
  
“Alright,” she stands, “that's your decision and I'll respect it. But I'm here if you decide you wanna talk.”

He lets the tears fall until he physically cannot cry anymore. Then he gets to thinking. Maybe he should go to the party anyways. Have fun, probably get high, he can do that without Jeremy. He doesn't have to be so dependent on another person. He's gonna go. What's the worst that could happen?

Michael stands and looks at himself in the mirror. His hairs a mess, his eyes are red and slightly puffy, and there are tear streaks running all down his face. He takes a deep breath. Stands up straight. Puts on his glasses. Smooths out his clothes and runs his hands through his hair. Let's do this.

Before he even leaves his room he gets a little panicked. They could beat him up. Or worse. They may not be above committing a hate crime. Jeremy might be even more aggressive. There are endless possibilities. The most likely one is that he will end up awkwardly standing in a corner because nobody likes him. He throws himself back down onto his bed.

\---

Jeremy gets to the party and sees a group of self-centered jocks huddled around. He hears his name and Michael's mentioned.

“I don't talk to that weirdo anymore,” he goes up to them.

“We know,” one speaks up, “but we have a prank for later and we’re gonna need you to help us with it. He’ll trust you.”

They explain the plan and Jeremy agrees to it. “Jeremy,” the squip has an important message, “I cannot function properly when there is alcohol in your system.”

“Okay. I won't drink if-”

“No!” he practically yells it and Jeremy jumps. The situation must look weird to an outsider, “To be viewed as chill you have to get drunk or at least have one drink. The alcohol will help you through the socializing, it's almost like a test. We can see how much you have learned from me.”

“That seems easy enough,” Jeremy almost says out loud but catches himself.

“It could be,” the squip is not showing up in human form like it usually does during these talks, “but do not give into your old tendencies. Got it?”

“Got it.”

\---

Jeremy grabs a drink from the table they're set out on. “Wait, turn me off first,” the squip informs.

“Why?”

“If you don't I'll just be yelling words in different languages to you,” it sounds annoyed with him, “you still ask too many questions.”

He pretends to understand why that would happen and commands the squip to turn off. With that he's temporarily back to being just Jeremy Heere. Nerd. Socially awkward. Afraid to stick up for himself. **Stop it.** Ignore those traits, pretend you know how to behave without the squip.

He takes a sip and tries to find out where he should go. Him and Rich have started to be friends, he could go find him. He wanders into the hallway and finds Rich huddled in the corner with Jake, the two clearly flirting. It results in Jake leading Rich upstairs to his room. Forget about that idea.

What would the squip tell him to do? Talk to someone. Anyone chill, and everyone at this party is. Despite everyone being invited it's mostly only the cool people who actually go and everyone knows that by now. He starts talking to Chloe in the living room.

“Hey, Chlo, how've you been?” he pushes his hands into his pockets, then remembers he was told to not do that and takes them out.

Chloe only rolls her eyes in response.

“What's wrong?”

“Nothing,” she puts a hand on her hip, “you're just a dick. I don't wanna talk to you.”

He's surprised to get that reply, “Woah...what did I do?”

She scoffs, “like you don't know? I've talked to Michael; he figured opening up to someone that's also gay would be more helpful. Brooke and I tried cheering him up. You broke his heart.”

“Oh please,” he accidentally drops the now empty cup, “he's gotta learn to handle getting broken up with.”

“You didn't just break up with him,” she whispers harshly, “you told him you never loved him. After all that boy has done for you, you just treated him like nothing.”

He's about to justify his actions somehow but she starts talking again. “What has gotten into you recently? You used to be, like, the nicest person. _I_ don't even know you anymore and you expect Michael, your lifelong best friend, to just accept that and be fine?”

“Fine!” he pulls her outside where they can speak privately, “I hurt him but he must've outed me; how else would you and Brooke know?”

“For god’s sake! We caught you two kissing!”

“Alright. Why is this such a big deal to you?” he rolls his eyes.

“I'm not the one here who's making a big deal out of something small,” she glares at him disapprovingly. Jeremy mumbles something and storms off back inside. As soon as he steps into the mass of people jumping up and down to the beat he's given a second drink. He chugs it before getting another. Once it's time to go through with the plan he agreed to earlier he's very drunk.

\---

Michael paces his room. He's been wondering if he should go to the party or not. It sounds strange after that panic attack but...maybe Jeremy is willing to work something out. Then again, if he's not willing to then Michael is out of place at a party he should not even be at.

Before he can contemplate anymore he gets a text from Jeremy, “I misssssss youuuuu.”

He knows from the start it's just a drunk text. “You're the one who broke up with me,” he sends.

The text shows up as read. Michael gets a call from Jeremy and he answers it. “How drunk are you?”

“I’m not,” he gets really giggly. Between that and the slurred speech he's clearly lying. “can't I just miss my friend? Why don't we hang out sometime...for old times sake…” it wouldn't sound very suggestive to an outsider but Michael knows him well enough to know what he means.

Michael sighs, “No. You're the one who ended things between us and made it very clear that you want nothing to do with me. I'm not letting you use me for sex. Plus, you’re just drunk.”

“Okay I am very drunk,” he admits, “but I'm sorry. Really. Come to the party and I'll prove it to you. Trust me”

“Fine,” he rolls his eyes, hardly believing himself for accepting that offer. He shoves his phone into his pocket and pulls his shoes on before going downstairs.

His mom is still awake in the living room, “Where are you off to at this time?”

“I changed my mind about the party,” he shrugs, “I'll go.”

She smiles, “I'm proud of you, make your own fun! You can have a good life without him. Are you gonna drive?”

Michael shakes his head, “No, it's within walking distance.” I also don't trust the people who go to this. He doesn't say that second part out loud.

\---

Jeremy comes out of the bathroom where he was on the phone with Michael and announces to the people in on the plan that Michael is gonna be there soon.

“You seriously tricked him into coming?” one of the jocks laughs.

“Yep,” Jeremy seems proud of what he's about to do, “he thinks I'm gonna suddenly be gay like him or something.”

Rich and Jake both look at each other then back at Jeremy, seeming very uncomfortable by the homophobic undertone. “Not that it's bad,” Jeremy notices their reaction and continues talking, “he's just obsessed with me and it's creepy. I've told him I don't feel the same way but he won't take no.”

“Ohhh,” Rich and Jake both get what he means. Before anyone can ask anything else Michael's knocking on the door.

Jake lets him in and whispers under his breathe, “Who even knocks before entering this type of party…”

He awkwardly moves through the sea of peers until he makes it to Jeremy. He goes to speak but is knocked down from behind. His glasses fall off, sliding across the floor. Before he can reach out to get them there's a flood of people approaching him, crushing the glasses. He's being lifted off the ground by all the people and shoved into a small closet.

A chair is used to jam the door. Michael first calls out for Jeremy to help him but all he responds with is “aww Mikey is scared” in a condescending tone. After that Michael doesn't even try to escape. They won't keep him in there forever. They're assholes, but not killers.

Hes trapped in there as they yell taunts and insults to him. It's the same things as always, but when literally trapped in the dark by them it does actually hurt.

Half an hour passes and the claustrophobia is really setting in. It feels like the walls are closing in. He's on the verge of hyperventilating when he thinks of a different solution. Pulling out his phone, he texts Chloe, “I know you're probably at Jake’s party so can you free me from the closet in the kitchen.”

Luckily, she responds quickly, “Yeah. How'd you get stuck in there?”

“People suck.” She lets him leave it at that.

There's arguing, then the scrape of a chair moving across wooden floor followed with light seeming harshly bright after so long in the dark. The relief of being out is so strong. He hugs Chloe once his eyes adjust slightly and he can somewhat tell where she is, “Thank you.” She hugs him back until he's pulled away from her by a completely wasted guy.

The guy drags Michael by the sleeve of his hoodie and practically throws him out of the house, “Don't touch her, perv.” He lands on his back in the dewy grass outside, sitting up to see the guy still standing on the porch. “What the hell do you mean? I'm gay.”

“So?” he returns to the party. Michael stands up, brushing himself off and trying to not let any of the recent events get to him. Walking off in the direction of his house the music blasting from the party fades in the distance, he hopes the memories will fade too.

He only makes it to the library down the block before he starts to worry. He sits down at the picnic table outside it. He tries thinking through the night logically, blinking back the hot tears that blur his vision even more than not having his glasses is and- oh fuck. His parents are gonna be so pissed. He broke his glasses. Last time that happened he was grounded for three weeks. It's true that he was probably 12 at the time and broke them measing around at a time he shouldn't have been, but the point still stands.

This time he had no control over the situation, but he's the one facing the consequences. Still, he’ll need to tell them. It's not something he can fix on his own. But they're not the people who need to help fix it so why should they know? It's Jeremy...he realizes he's stopped thinking about a pair of glasses. The sobs escape.

__

“Sort this out,” he thinks, “okay...okay...I need to tell my parents. I can't keep this hidden, it's not an easy thing to hide considering how I handle it. I also have to confront Jeremy. Without giving up and hiding away this time. We need to really talk about this and maybe that's how we can fix whatever went wrong. Even if we don't fix things I'll get some sort of closure. I'll know what happened. I mean, I know _what_ happened I just have no idea _why_.” His thought process is interrupted when he notices the smoke coming from around Jake's house. He instantly gets up and runs back to check on what's going on.

When he gets there he sees the house is on fire and nobody has called 911. He gets out his phone to do so, despite the kids who were telling him not to out of fear that they'll get caught drinking. This is too serious to ignore, they'll care more about it than a bunch of drunk teenagers.

While waiting for help to arrive Michael, seemingly the only sober person there, thinks of all the people who must be passed out inside and how everybody else is probably too drunk to think to help them. He has to do something to help. People yell for him to not go in, it's dangerous, but he runs into the burning house anyway. He doesn't see anyone so far, maybe everyone is out. He's about to turn around, thinking of how bad this idea was, when he notices Jeremy on the floor in the den.

 


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning for strong mentions of self harm/suicidal thoughts but no details of any of that actually happening

Michael lifts Jeremy up bridal style. He turns back to the doorway only to find the ceiling in the hallway crumbling, ready to collapse at any moment. But it's the only way out from there. He has to take the risk.

Making sure he's holding Jeremy in a position where he won't drop him, he races through the hallway and out the front door. With only a few seconds to spare before parts of the house begin falling in on itself. When he gets out, covered in ashes yet mostly unharmed, everyone appears to be amazed. He doesn't know if it's because he went in or that he saved someone or the sheer fact that he actually made it back out okay.

A paramedic runs over and takes Jeremy from him, checking that he's okay and waiting for him to wake up. A different one leads Michael to an ambulance and checks that he's fine.

Michael starts to lead, a still drunk, Jeremy back home but he passes out again. If Jeremy's dad saw this situation he'd know that he drank and he'd be in so much trouble. So Michael just picks him back up and carries him home with him.

By the time they get to Michael's his parents are both asleep. Which is an up side, they can't question what happened. He lays Jeremy down on the couch in the basement and sits on the beanbag on the floor, scrolling through Twitter on his phone. About an hour passes before Jeremy is opening his eyes.

“What the hell,” he groans, “why am I here? What's with all the ashes?”

“There was a fire at Jake's party. You were passed out drunk so I pulled you out with me. And since your dad would kill you if he found out you got drunk I brought you here,” he explains it without specifying that he actually was gone when the fire started and ran back in to help people.

“Didn't you already leave by the time I passed out?”” he sits up.

Michael lies, “I stayed for a little longer and then the fire started. Everyone ran out but you were still in there so I helped you leave.”

“Okay,” there's a hint of confusion that remains in his voice, “why’d you save me? I haven't been particularly nice to you.”

“Because I care about you. Even if I didn't I could never just leave someone to literally burn to death,” now he's telling the truth.

Jeremy attempts to seem angry, “Okay, thanks. But this doesn't mean we’re gonna be talking again.”

Michael joins him on the couch, “I know; just answer one question for me.”

“What is it?” he looks to him.

“What happened? Why'd you just...change?” he keeps his focus down towards the floor. He's hoping that he doesn't start to cry. Not now. He can't seem weak.

“You wouldn't believe me if I told you,” he sighs.

“Jeremy,” Michael’s voice breaks, “please. I need an answer. What did I do? I get that you didn't wanna come out. You didn't have to; I'm out but people don't need to know about us. It really wouldn't have been a big deal. I'm sorry if I made you feel uncomfortable.”

He decides to tell him the whole story, even if it's unbelievable, “I _was_ afraid that people would find out about us somehow. I mean...you're openly gay and I'm always with you and avoiding talking about my sexuality. It's a little too obvious. To be honest, that was your fault. If you would've stayed in the closet it wouldn't have been any more suspicious than usual. But that's not the end of it. I was scared and I just wanted to fit in, Rich helped me out with that. He gave me this pill, a squip, it tells you what to do to fit in.”

“Stop it. Tell me the truth,” Michael interrupts.

Jeremy shushes him, “I am. It's a supercomputer that gets implanted into your brain and helps you be cool. It's off right now, I have to turn it off before any alcohol gets in my system or it gets all scrambled.”

“So this pill told you to ditch me? But now it's off so you're talking to me again?” Michael laughs bitterly.

“Yes...said you were ‘holding me back’. I couldn't even talk to you or people would get suspicious,” he shrugs.

“I'm confused,” he is trying so hard to make some sense of this, “did you get it so people wouldn't figure out you're bi or to be cool?”

“Both. I think. Maybe.” He shakes his head, “I really can't remember. Everything's so confusing.” He moves in closer to his old friend, needing something familiar.

Michael faces him and flicks his gaze to his lips, “It doesn't have to be. High schools gonna be over soon. Then what?”

“What do you mean?” Jeremy focuses his gaze on him.

“None of those ‘cool’ guys actually care about you, you'll all go in different directions,” he points out.

“Fuck off,” he stands up, “you don't know that. Thanks for getting me out of there but I gotta go.”

“I'm sorry. I just miss you,” he stands after him, “want me to walk you home?”

“No. Look, you saved my life. Thank you; but I don't want people to see us together and talk.”

“Then stay here longer. We’ll keep everything a secret,” he reaches out to Jeremy's hand.

After Jeremy holds his hand back and they're both silent for a few minutes Michael leans in to kiss him. Jeremy shoves him back so hard that he falls onto his back, “I'm not like that anymore! I'm cool now.”

“Jere, you _know_ that's not how it works.”

“It is,” he argues, “you're just jealous that this is happening to me and not you. You wish you could be normal.”

Michael gets back up, “No. I miss my friend.”

Jeremy pushes past him, “Yeah right. I wish you would've just stayed in that fire, loser.”

Michael grabs his wrist and stops him, “What do you even mean? I _saved_ you from it.”

“Yeah,” he pulls his arm away, “but I'm willing to take one for the team. Nobody wants you around. You don't matter.”

Michael is in a stunned silence and shakes his head, “I never expected that from you. Of all people.”

“Oh, is that a sensitive topic for you? Tell me why?” Jeremy sneers.

He rolls his eyes, “Don't act like you don't know.”

“Say it,” he says it like it's a challenge, “or are you too much of a pussy to even say it?”

Michael blinks back tears, “You already know. You stopped me.”

He rolls his eyes, “You're right. And I should've told you to get it over with. But you can't even succeed at that, can you? Failure.”

“I cannot believe I still loved you,” Michael is in disbelief, “you really have changed, even without that squip on. Go home. I should've let your dad catch you.”  
  
Jeremy leaves and Michael goes into the bathroom upstairs. He stares at himself in the mirror, how pathetic. He's gonna be a senior next year. Almost an adult and he's too scared to make friends. Actually, almost an adult and _he still has to make friends._ The people at school have a point. He really is a loser that nobody wants around. The freak. A disappointment. Why doesn't he talk? Who'd wanna be associated with him?

He opens up the medicine cabinet and pulls out a razor blade. All he does is hold it between his thumb and index finger, examining it. His hands are shaky and he’s focusing on keeping his sobs at silent as possible.   
  
\----

There's a knock at the bathroom door followed by his father's voice, “Michael? Are you in there?”

“Yeah,” he's quietly putting the blade he had to clean off back in place.

“It's late. Why are you up?”

“I just had to pee,” the footsteps retreat. He cleans out the new wounds on his left wrist. The rubbing alcohol burns, he has to clench his jaw to be sure he won't make a sound. The burning dies out and he covers the cuts with bandages.

Michael leans against the wall, disappointed in himself for what he did. This only made things worse. It didn't even temporarily make him feel okay. After pulling his sleeve down over the bandages he goes back into his room.

All he wants is something to make him feel okay. Just for a little while. He needs an escape. That's when he takes a blunt from the shoebox hidden in the back of his closet. Normally, this is something he would never do while his parents are home. Yet in this moment he couldn't care less. He climbs out the window onto the roof and lights it. This will probably work better.

\---

Time seems to fly by. He’s already began smoking a third one. At this point he's moved from the roof to laying on the floor in front of his bed. He hears the footsteps coming to his door but in his state doesn't even make an attempt to hide what he's doing.

His mom comes into his room and just stares in surprise for a few seconds before scolding him, “I thought I smelled pot but I assumed it would just be from someone outside. I mean- I….you?”

He sits up and nods, “Where's dad? Hasn't he also figured it out?”

“He's still asleep,” she sits across from him and takes it out of his hand, “how long have you been doing this?”

“I don't know. Awhile. Me and Jeremy used to always get stoned and play video games and stuff,” he remembers fondly.

“Why?” she's more disappointed than angry.

He shrugs, “It makes life, like, one thousand million times better. Especially fucking.” After those words come out he comprehends, at least a little bit, who he's saying that to. But she doesn't say anything, “Why aren't you yelling at me? Shouldn't I be grounded forever or something?”

She smiles sadly, “We’ll do that later. Are you okay?”

He nods and forces a smile, “Why wouldn't I be?”

She lightly touches his shoulder, “I know how much you love him. Are you sure?”

He's too afraid that his voice will crack when he speaks so he only nods, but then come the tears and those give him away just as much as the voice crack would've.

“You can tell me,” she assures and puts her hands over his hand. He pulls it back, afraid that if the sleeve falls back she'll see the bandages. However, in pulling it away so fast the sleeve moves back anyways.

She lifts up his hand and observes the bandaged wrist, “Did someone hurt you?”

“No,” he admits.

She takes a deep breath, “Did you…?” She can't even bring herself to finish the sentence.

He nods and breaks down crying even more, “I’m sorry. It was only once and I am never going to do it again.”

She wraps her arms around him in an awkward sitting-on-the-floor-hug, “Do you need help? There are places that-”

“No,” he's being completely honest, “I'm gonna be fine. I was just caught up in too much.”

“Would you mind seeing a psychiatrist and a therapist? Just a few times. See what they say. The fact that you even did that thinking it could make you feel better is a problem,” admittedly she has a good point. He agrees to it. Just until they see if something is wrong. If it is he’ll keep going but if not he can stop.

“Okay,” she stands and pulls him up with her, “get some rest. We can schedule something in the morning.”

“What about-”

“Don't worry. I'll handle telling your dad,” she assumes that's what he was thinking.

“Um thanks,” he sits down on his bed, “but aren't you angry at me? The pot? The...effing?”

She walks towards the door, “We can talk about the weed later. As for the sex, as long as you're being safe it's not a big deal. Understood?”

“Understood,” he nods, confused about how calm she remained. He's too high to continue pondering it for much longer. He’s moved onto texting Chloe and Brooke.

He lets them know all that happened that night. Excluding the self injury, he doesn't want anyone knowing about that besides his parents and the mental health professionals.

They do make him feel a little better. It's a nice reminder that some people are truly on his side in this situation.

That conversation slowly comes to an end and Michael lays awake in bed, staring up at the ceiling. He remembers when everything was easier. Freshman year; he and Jeremy would go to one of their houses after school every day. They would do their schoolwork but take breaks to play video games or kiss.

There's one specific day he can't stop thinking of. The memory won't quit replaying in his mind. It had been a pretty bad day for Michael. Along with the usual bullies he seemed to be cursed with bad luck. All the little incidents built up and by 3pm he was crying in his basement with Jeremy by his side.

He asked Jeremy, “Why can't I fit in?”

Jeremy held onto his hand, “Fitting in is boring and unnecessary. I didn't fall in love with some guy who only talks to the ‘cool’ people and bullies the geeks like us. I fell in love with you. For who you really are. Promise me you'll never try to hide that?”

“I promise,” he was feeling somewhat better. The fact that someone was being so nice to him when the world almost appeared against him was enough to make him cry. They were happy tears and he made sure Jeremy knew that. He wiped away the tears, “I love you.”

Jeremy put an arm around him and pulled him close. Michael rested his head on Jeremy’s shoulder. The pair sat like that, holding onto each other, and talked about what they'll do in the future.

“We should go to college together,” Jeremy had the idea.

Michael nodded, “That would be awesome.”

Jeremy asked if he thought they'd stay together forever. Michael answered yes and Jeremy revealed he felt the same way. With that the two boys kissed.

Looking back he can't believe how their relationship, which was almost the same as it was then, disappeared so quickly. Technically speaking he does know _how_. It was that squip. Is that even a real thing? Instead of sleeping that night he falls deep into research over this supercomputer in a pill.


	6. Chapter 6

****

Michael eventually falls asleep early on Sunday morning. He doesn't dream at all. A few hours later there's a knock at the front door waking him up. He doesn't feel like getting out of bed after last night, but his parents are both at work. “Someone's gotta get it,” he mumbles forcing himself out of bed and downstairs to open the door. Jeremy is awkwardly standing there. “Hey. I came to apologize for what I said last night. I- uh...I got rid of the squip. Red Mountain Dew shuts it off so…”

Michael’s surprised to see him there. “I know- about the mountain dew thing not that you got rid of it...and I can forgive you for taking the squip in the first place. You were insecure and scared. But I can't forgive you for what you said last night,” he shakes his head.

Jeremy sighs, “That wasn't me- well technically it was, but I was drunk. Can't we fix things?”

Michael gives a small, disbelieving laugh, “Seriously? Alcohol is not an excuse for you getting emotionally abusive. It wasn't some long manipulative thing but you still broke my trust. I'm not just gonna get back with you after you told me all those things.”

“No! I would never...that's not me. I just,” he stops and thinks over what he said, “oh my god. I was. Shit. Michael, I am so sorry.”

Michael wants to shut the door. Leave Jeremy stuck outside; he doesn't wanna see him. Yet with all the hurt and betrayal he still makes himself leave the door ajar, “How can I believe you?”

Jeremy cannot think of what to say. All he knows is he messed up, and he really doesn't even deserve to be forgiven. He doesn't deserve Michael. “I don't know,” he shrugs, “I know that I've given you no reason to. I could say ‘because I love you’ and it would be true but you wouldn't be able to trust that. Because I said some really shitty things and I broke the bond we had.”

“You did.”

“I am _such_ a dick,” he states.

“You are.”

“Can I um,” Jeremy awkwardly flicks his gaze towards the ground, “come inside to talk more?”

“No. I wish you could; I wish I trusted you enough to let you. But you're the person I trusted the most and you hurt me worse than anyone ever has. I don't know who to trust anymore.” He feels the tears coming but can't keep them back.

Jeremy can only watch, he can't even put a hand on his shoulder him to help him calm down. There are new boundaries and he's not sure if that's crossing them. It hurts to watch the boy he really does love in this much pain. However he guesses he does deserve to feel so useless watching a person he cares about in this position and not being able to help. It's just that Michael doesn't deserve to be hurting like that. Finally he speaks, “Can we try to get back to normal? I know that it's gonna be hard; there's no excuse for what I did. And I'll understand where you're coming from if you're not ready to forgive me. But what do you think?”

“It the same thing. I want to,” frustration is obvious, “but I can't get myself to. I can't trust that you won't hurt me again.”

Jeremy tries to say something else but Michael stops him, “There is nothing you could say to make this better right now.”

“I-”

“Stop. I know you say you're sorry and it won't happen again; no matter how many times it's said I can't believe it right now.”

Jeremy nods, “Right. I'll just, um, see you around school.” He turns to go back home. Michael closes the door. He's walking up the steps when he comes to a realization that he and Jeremy may have just lost each other forever. Technically it has been a possibility the entire time but now that it's really happening it's different; they were best friends for twelve years. He sits down on a stair and cries even more with his face buried in his hands.

Later, still on that step, he takes out his phone and reads through some old texts. Inevitably coming to the ones where he admitted to feeling worthless.

“I know you tell me fitting in is boring and you have a good point. But now I'm so much of an outcast that nobody would notice if I just left one day. I have no reason to keep going.”

Jeremy responded to that with a long paragraph. It's all about how that's not true; assuring Michael that he's loved and important. Did he even mean it then? Yes, he was drunk when he said those painful things last night. But when you're drunk you don't just randomly think of stuff like that; you do things you've already thought of but were smart enough not to do sober. How long did he actually feel that way? Were they still together when he started to think that? Why did he stay with him if he felt that way?

Then he thinks of how often they would hook up and it gets clearer. It makes sense to him. Jeremy was probably using him. Michael never wants to speak to him again. But he knows he’ll have to, they'll see each other in school. Not only that but there is a part of him that wants to confront him for using him; he's not just gonna get away with that.

All he needs to do is walk down to Jeremy's house in a couple of hours and tell him that he knows. Just get the confrontation over with, he tells himself, it shouldn't be this scary. Maybe practicing what he's gonna say will help.

Two hours full of anxious pacing and repeating what he wants to tell Jeremy in different tones pass. “Okay. I'm gonna go,” he says out loud to himself and proceeds to the door, “let’s do this.”

He’s still standing in front of the closed door, “just open the door and walk to his house.” He can't get himself to go through with the plan, “You've done this before. Go.” It doesn't matter how often he says it out loud. He can't make himself follow along.

Leaning against the door he gets his phone from his pocket and resorts to just calling Jeremy. He searches in his contacts and two results appear, Jeremy and Jeremy's House. He decides to call the home phone. It makes him look less desperate to get ahold of him. Jeremy's dad picks up, “Hello?”

“Oh!” Michael wasn't actually expecting an answer, “Hey, Mr. Heere. Is Jeremy home?”

“No. He's seeing his friend in the hospital.”

Michael has no clue who Mr. Heere is referring to. “What happened? Who is it?” the concern for whoever it is is genuine.

“Rich; he got hurt in that fire,” he explains, “Jeremy told me you left before it started and he safely made it out in time.”

Michael wants to expose Jeremy for lying and for being so mean to him, but he won't, “Yeah…” He hangs up before he accidentally reveals the truth or something of the sort. He asks himself why he keeps letting people, specifically just Jeremy, control him. Why'd he let what he said get to him? Why'd he let him be the one to break his trust?

Feeling so sick of being walked over he finally just calls Jeremy. “Michael?” he picks up confused as to why he'd want to talk.

“How long did you just pretend to like me?”

“What?”

“You must've thought of what you said previously while sober. Did you feel that way when we were together?” he just goes all in with asking what he wants.

“No,” Jeremy sighs, “it was after you came out; I was angry and thinking things I didn't truly believe. But what's the point of telling you? You won't believe me anyways.”

“It's not _my_ fault there's no reason to trust you anymore,” he retorts, “with how we were it's not super out of the question to wonder if you were using me for sex.”

“I was not using you for,” he looks around the small hospital room with familiar peers in it all visiting Rich, “...this really isn't something I should be discussing right now. How about we meet up to talk?”

Michael immediately declines, “No. I don't wanna be alone with you.”

“Michael...I would never do anything to you. To anyone for that matter.”

“I- I know but you used to say you'd never hurt me and we see how that worked out…” Jeremy hears him start to cry as quietly as possible before abruptly hanging up.

\---

“What was that about?” a, now un-squipped, Rich asks, “I thought you ditched Michael.”

“I did but things got overly complicated. I told him something horrible last night; and I tried to apologize but you can't just apologize for abuse and then go back to normal. I'm not sure if he trusts anyone anymore, let alone me. As much as my,” he gives Rich a look and lightly taps his head as if to say ‘squip’, “tried to turn me against him he’s still my best friend. I love him. It's evident he doesn't feel that way right now but I'm trying to show that I care. He may not even feel the same after going through all that but I’m happy if he's just able to trust again.”

“Wait,” Jenna’s there, “what did that little look and head touch mean? What tried turning you against him?”

“Ummmm,” Jeremy can't think of a quick excuse.

Rich jumps in, “His insecurities. He wanted to be cool and thought that to do so he had to turn against any friends who weren't.”

She nods, “This one is unrelated but seeing as you were his best friend you must know who was in that picture with him. Right? Can you tell us?”

“Yes I know, but no I'm not gonna out the other guy…” he hopes she just drops it at that. He's bad at making up excuses on the spot. Unfortunately, she doesn't.

“Fine. But is it someone in this room?” she looks around at Rich, Jake, and Christine.

Jeremy awkwardly laughs, “There's only two guys in this room and we all know they're together.”

“There's you,” she smirks.

“What? No!” He face flushes, “I'm not into guys!”

Everyone shoots him a questioning sympathetic look. “Accept yourself,” Rich mouths to him.

He contemplates it but as he's doing so he finds himself blurting out, “I'm bisexual.”

They all nod, Christine breaks out into a fit of giggles.

“What is it?” Jake asks.

She points to to Rich, Jake, and Jeremy in that order and sings, “bi, bi, bi,” to the tune of the song by *NSYNC.

They all laugh at her corny sexuality joke. The laughter fades away and there's a peaceful few minutes of silence. It ends when Jeremy admits to missing Michael.   
  
“What'd you say that made things so bad?” Christine questions.

Jeremy debates on whether or not to tell the truth about everything that happened. The other four stare at him, expecting an answer. Uncomfortable with the tension he quickly goes with the truth.

When he finishes catching them up they're all pretty shocked that he would say that. They also all give him basically the same advice; give it time. He knows that. He just has no idea what to do within that time, he expresses this to them, “and I know I probably sound like an ass who's pretending like he's the victim but that's not what I mean. I was abusive. I deserve this. But I want to make it up to him and I don't know how to.”

“Did you tell him that?” Jenna asks.

“Pretty much,” he shrugs. They stay in a now awkward silence for a few moments before Jeremy stands to go home.

\---

Michael walks back up to his room after ending the call. He falls back into another dreamless sleep and when he wakes up there's a text from Jeremy, “How can I make it up to you while giving you time to heal? I know I was abusive.”

Michael genuinely doesn't know what could make this okay besides time to regain trust, “Just leave me alone.” The text is left on read; his point must've gotten across. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i wasn't expecting this to get so much love but thank you so much for reading it!! i'm so happy that people actually like it. also, to answer a few comments i've seen, it will be pretty long so no worries


	7. Chapter 7

Michael hears someone knock at his front door on Sunday night, followed by the creak of the hinges moving and his mom welcoming whoever it is inside. The guest comes upstairs and into Michael's bedroom. He's doesn't look up out of fear it would be Jeremy trying to talk again.

“Michael?” it's only Brooke, “Can I talk to you about something? I know it's late but…”

He breaths a sigh of relief. It’s not him. Everything’s alright, “Yeah. What's up?” He pats the spot beside him on the bed, welcoming her to sit next to him.

She accepts that offer, “I'm sorry if this is weird. It's girl problems and you don't even like girls so I’m really not sure why I'm coming to you with them, but I need someone to talk to.”

“It’s alright,” he assures her, “I've gone to you with my boy problems and you don't like boys. Now, what happened?”

She's quiet for a couple minutes. Only because she's clearly planning out what she wants to say. He lets her take her time. “I...broke up with Chloe. Cut her out completely. She was always talking down to me and sometimes she acted ashamed to be with me. I know it was the right decision for me to leave but I don't know how to get over her and, well, you've been through something similar with Jeremy.”

“You'll find someone else; there's a girl out there who will be very lucky to have you. Do you feel better now that she's out of your life?”

“Yeah,” she tears up, “but I kinda feel bad. You and Jeremy are trying to fix things while we just dropped each other completely.”

“Different people can handle similar situations in varying ways,” he explains, “I'm trying to forgive Jeremy because he wasn't always like this and I know he genuinely feels bad. I'm willing to get back what we had. But if you're not feeling that way about her it's okay.”

Brooke nods, getting what he means, “Chloe didn't care that she hurt me. She faked being nice to the public but when we were alone she could be so cold. I can't forgive that.”

“You don't have to. She sounds abusive.”

She pauses, “Hold on, wasn't Je-”

“Pent up fear makes people do things they don't mean,” Michael realizes how that sounds like he's excusing abuse and quickly speaks again, “not that it's okay for them to take that out on other people. But he’s young. He's gonna do stupid shit; so will I.”

Brooke asks him what he plans to do about that. Diverting the attention away from herself.

“I'll try to trust him, and if he hurts me again I'll leave him for good. Forget that though, we’re talking about you. No more changing the subject.” he noticed what she was trying to do.

“Fine,” she sighs, “do you know how I'm supposed to get over her? Wait no- really that doesn't matter much. Do you know how I can keep myself from just going back to her like nothing happened? I don't want to but if I get super lonely I might give in.”

He thinks about it. “All I can tell you is start being more assertive. Quit letting her walk all over you.

“So I just have to...say no more often?”

“Yeah,” Michael shrugs, “you could word it like that. If she keeps trying to control you block her out. Ignore it all and if it gets to the point where you can't ignore her then you tell her to leave you alone. That's all you gotta tell her.”

She furrows her brow in confusion, “And if she doesn't leave after that?”

“Keep on ignoring her and if you have to talk to her just keep being like ‘leave me alone’ it might not make her go but she no longer has that power over you. You got this.”

She hugs Michael, “Thank you for being so nice to me. It means a lot. I couldn't even tell my parents, I'm out to them and they're alright with it but not exactly happy with it.”

“Of course,” he hugs back, “anytime. We’re friends.”

She pulls away, “If you don't mind me asking how are your parents with you being gay?”

“My mom is good with it. She got me this patch,” he points to the rainbow flag on the sleeve of his hoodie that's laying on the bed, “and my dad doesn't know.”

“You wear a pride patch and he hasn't caught on?” Brooke laughs.

Michael giggles, “He's not the most observant.”

“Obviously. Speaking of parents I should probably go now. Mine don't know I left. Sorry this was so rushed. Talk later?” she stands up.

“Yep,” he stands with her, walking her outside.

When the door closes behind her his dad asks who that was. “Brooke. She's my friend.”

“Hm...just a friend?” he raises an eyebrow.

“Yes. She's a lesbian.”

“Ah, I see,” he nods, “she doesn't like you that way. But how do you feel about her?”

“She a nice person and I'm happy she's my friend. But that's all we are, I swear. Plus I-” he stops himself. He knows his dad is accepting but he doesn't know if he’ll be disappointed. He's always wanted grandchildren, probably biologically, but his only child is gay.

“You what?”

“Nothing,” his voice is shaky, “it’s nothing.”

“If it's nothing then telling me shouldn't be such a big deal,” he's clearly not letting Michael drop this.

He hates that this is making him cry but he can't help it. He's afraid. He's, for the first time in years, genuinely ashamed of being gay. Why is this randomly hitting him now? “I...I,” he keeps stumbling over words, “I’m s-so sorry...I'm sorry.”

He’s worried for his son, “You're sorry? For what? Michael you need to tell me what is going on with you now.”

“I'm gay,” he just gets saying it over with and a weird silence falls through the house. It's somehow quieter than it's ever been.

“Oh. You like….”

“Boys.” he can hear his heart beating in his chest.

Then, for some reason, his dad starts laughing, “Oh thank god! I thought you were gonna tell me you started hurting yourself more or got someone pregnant or something.”

“So you're not upset about it?” he tries calming himself down.

He shakes his head, “If you're happy and being yourself I'm happy for you.”

\---

It's been a few weeks since Jeremy last talked to Michael. He was asked to leave him alone and he listened. They pass each other in the hallways a lot and have most of their classes together, but they don't talk. It was awkward to avoid each other at first but it became easier.

Then, for the first time in god-knows-how-long, Michael shows up to school is short sleeves. He meant to bring a jacket or something but was in a rush this morning. Jeremy passes him on his way to his locker and he notices the bandages on his wrist. In order to stay a little calm he pretends to not know what could've happened. After all, he only caught a glance of them as he walked by. Yet deep down he knows the truth and his stomach drops. It's his fault. He probably brought Michael to that point, and he refuses to ignore it as if it's not important enough to talk about.

The main problem Jeremy's having with starting the conversation is trying to figure out where and when is a good time. The only class they could have a full-on long conversation in is study hall, but there's guaranteed to be eavesdroppers all around. It’s not worth the risk; maybe he could ask him to come over after school to talk about something important. He’s contemplating this all day up until he's actually in study hall.

Michael's across the room. He could walk over there and start it off. Let him know that he knows something important and they need to talk. He’ll just...just... _admittedly he doesn't really know_. There's nothing he can do. Michael's clearly sick of him apologizing and doing nothing else, but what _could_ he do to make this any better?

The fact that he's this confused holds him back from confronting Michael at all. He should probably plan it out better. Be careful. Don't accidentally do something that ends in him getting hurt. Jeremy is lost in thought over this when a guy who, while squipped, he was friends with sits down next to Michael.

“I have to say I really pegged you as just some loser, not an emo pussy. But those bandages beg to differ,” Michael ignores the comments, “so what happened? You wanted some attention? You wanted people to feel bad for you? I gotta tell you, it doesn't matter what you do; you'll still be you. Nobody cares about that. _Nobody cares about pathetic and weak Michael._ ”

He still doesn't look up from the notebook he's mindlessly doodling in and mumbles, “Fuck off, you don't know.” That really angers his tormenter, “What did you just tell me?”

Realization strikes. He's afraid this guy will physically hurt him, “....nothing. Just leave me alone. Please.”

“I could. But that's no fun,” he punches Michael in the face.

Jeremy's pulled out of his thoughts by Michael getting punched so hard that he falls to the floor. He rushes over to the scene in time to hear the same dickhead who punched him insulting him.

He's got a downgrading attitude with a mocking pout “Oh no! You gonna go home and cut about that? If you're so hurt why don't you just go all the way? Or are you-” the teachers pulling him into the hall. Yelling at him and demanding he go to the principal’s office. Everybody stands around in shock.

A few minutes full of quiet gawking pass by. Eventually Michael pushes himself off of the floor and stands, putting a hand directly over where the fist made contact with his right cheek. He breaks the silence, “I'm gonna go get some ice. I guess.” He walks into the hallway.

Jeremy follows closely behind, “I'll go with you.” Michael doesn't care enough in the moment of pain to argue.   
  
They're walking past the boys bathroom when Jeremy quickly grabs him by the wrist, pulling him aside. Michael jumps back in fear, drawing his wrist back to his side and out of Jeremy's grip.

“Sorry! I should've taken that slower,” he hastily apologizes, “but we have to talk.”

“Jeremy,” he makes sure nobody else is around, “I've made it clear. I don't wanna talk to you.”

“I know. I know I hurt you so badly. But this isn't about that, well it could be. I don't know. I'm concerned about you and I want to make sure you're alright. That's all.” he’s trying to look anywhere except the bandages.

Michael notices how Jeremy's avoiding looking at his wrist; this makes it even more obvious that's where his concern arose from. He lies, “It's not what you think it is.”

“Then what is it?”

He doesn't respond and Jeremy asks a second time. Once again, he doesn't answer the question. “I just wanna get some ice. Go back to class.”

Jeremy doesn't budge. He repeats the question. Michael has no excuse; he doesn't know what he's supposed to say. He feels the tears about to fall and shoves past Jeremy, not wanting him to see him cry.

“Why’d you do it?” he calls after him.

He stops in his tracks. Still facing away, “You said all of those things to me and it made me realize some major truths.”

“What do you mean?”

Michael turns around and comes back to him, making it so he can speak quietly about this, “There must be something wrong with me. Literally nobody's ever liked me and I have no clue why. What am I doing wrong? What's wrong with me?”

He shakes his head, “That is not true! I liked you, I still do.”

By now class has ended and people are slowly filling up the hallway. Most of them pass by casually, but a few sense the tension and stand around watching.

Michael mumbles something and Jeremy asks him to repeat it.

“Nothing.”

“No,” he knows that's a lie, “say it.”

“Then why were you so ashamed to be-” he remembers there's people listening and Jeremy isn't fully out, “...friends with me?”

“That's not what it was. I know what you were gonna say and I don't mind. Now, are you gonna say it?” he asks and when Michael shakes his head he asks it instead, “Then why was I ashamed to be with you? Was that it?”

“Yeah,” he tries to ignore the fact that multiple people are recording this. A few people teasingly whistle or call out homophobic things. Ignore them, each boy tells himself.

“Because you're a boy. Not because you're you,” he confesses, “I was ashamed of being myself. Not of you. I wish I had your confidence to be out like that. But I was too scared.”

“I thought you weren't out because you didn't want people to figure out you were with me. I thought it was my fault.” the bell rings. A few people who were standing around watching walk away, but most of them stay.

“I see why you thought that,” there's a teacher telling everyone to get to class and Jeremy hurries through what he wants to say, “none of this was your fault. I'm the toxic one who verbally abused you. I was embarrassed of who I am so I took it out on you even though you were only ever good to me.”

Michael thinks over what's been said to him. He nods, yet doesn't say a word. Jeremy's recognizing how he hurt him and that's helping him start to trust again, even though he _still_ doesn't trust very much, it's progress.

Jeremy speaks softly, “Alright. Let’s go get that ice and then get back to class.” The two head to the office before they can get in trouble for just standing around. 


	8. Authors Update

Hey, obviously this is not an actual chapter. I feel like it's been a long time since my last update and I'm sorry about that. I haven't had much time to write and my mental health has been really bad lately. And another thing is through this story I in no way intend to glorify self harm, abuse, or mental illness. The reasons these topics are heavily involved is because I can write a lot about them from my experience. I was emotionally abused from the time I was 6 to the time I was 12. I struggle with bipolar disorder and self harm. Which stems from a mix of the past abuse and shitty genetics. So please don't get the wrong idea from this. I enjoy writing fanfic and I figured it would be a good way to heal if I somehow interpreted my past traumas into it. Writing makes me feel better; this way I can vent and you get a story. It has helped me. I'm gonna keep writing until the story is over but this was just something I felt the need to add in.


	9. Chapter 8

That friday at school Michael is noticeably off in English class. He’s bouncing a little toy ball he somehow acquired off of his desk and into his hand repeatedly as people around him attempt to focus on their work. Jeremy turns around in his seat and faces him, “You might wanna stop that. Half of these people are probably really hating you right now.”

“What?”

“Bouncing the ball, it's being loud” he puts his hand over it on the desk.

Michael stays silent, gives Jeremy a confused look and starts laughing hysterically. A few people shoot him a glare. Jeremy shushes him.

“What is going on with you?,” he whispers, “Are you high?”

He giggles and nods. “At school? This isn't like you,” Jeremy who's clearly frustrated with him does his best to keep his voice down, “what's wrong?”

“Does something have to be wrong?”

He rolls his eyes, “Well you wouldn't normally do this.”

Michael brushes it off and ignores him. He puts the ball into his bag and takes out his phone. He's scrolling through Twitter when Jeremy grabs his wrist, “What happened? I know you. It's not like you to completely stop giving a shit. Sometimes you would slack off, we both did, but you always kept caring a little bit.”

“Fuck off,” he pulls his wrist away.

“Michael. I know I was horrible to you. But you also know that I was manipulated and hurting a lot; I mean there was that thing constantly telling me I'm not enough and giving me hell for the smallest things.” people are beginning to watch the scene unravel.

Michael doesn't respond. Jeremy speaks again, “I get it if you still want nothing to do me. If you never do...I thought we were getting better because that talk in the hallway but if I'm wrong...then...just...you can't be,” he makes an awkward facial expression and shrugs, “you know at school.”

Michael admits he's not sure where this is going or how to feel about all of it, “I miss you but I don't trust you. I'm confused.”

“I know,” he nods, “you've mentioned it before. But you weren't acting like this then. What changed?”

“I-” Michael almost says something then changes his mind, “no. I don't wanna talk about this with you.”

“Fine,” Jeremy accepts that, “but go home. You're gonna get caught and get yourself in trouble.”

“How do I get home?”

“Sneak out and walk to your house. You're pretty stoned but I'd hope you'd remember the general area of where your house is,” he whispers.

“First of all I'm not even that high,” he defends himself, “and secondly I mean I drove here and even though I _could_ drive myself back I probably _shouldn't_. You know...legally.”

Jeremy looks at the clock, “Alright. Act like you're going to the bathroom and go out to your car, in a few minutes I'll be out there too. I can drive you home then just walk back. It's not far.”

Michael nods and leaves the room, making his way outside to his car. Roughly five minutes pass before Jeremy walks out of the classroom as well. Nobody says anything, they might not have even realized he got up and left. He didn't do anything that would've drawn attention to himself.

He gets to the car and climbs into the driver’s seat. Out of nowhere Michael apologizes.

He looks over to him, confused, “For?”

“How I'm handling this-”

“No. Don’t. I hurt you. You have nothing to apologize about,” Jeremy makes clear.

  
“I do,” Michael argues, “I haven't been seeing your side of the story. You were under the squip’s control; it manipulated and abused you. Not an excuse but it- I don't know...I guess what I'm trying to say is even though you said some really emotionally harmful stuff I understand where that was coming from. I get that despite technically having control when we had the conversation you had already been manipulated and hurt.”  
  
Jeremy nods, “You're right. But where'd this little epiphany come from?”

“It's been in the back of my mind for awhile and what you told me in class made me really think of it,” he admits.

An awkward silence falls over them. Jeremy holds the keys without putting them into the ignition and Michael sits there trying to think of a conversation starter. He eventually ends up blurting out, “On second thought I can just drive myself home. I was never even that high in the first place. It's no big deal.”

“I know you could, but I don't want you spacing out as you're driving or something and getting into a wreck.”

He shrugs, “Fair point. Thanks.”

“Yep,” Jeremy starts the car. They're about to leave the parking lot when Michael seems to realize something.

“My parents are gonna wanna know why I left school and I have no excuse. I can't really tell the truth here.”

Jeremy looks over at Michael then back to the road, “Just say you didn't feel good. Your eyes aren't that red, they won't be able to tell- as long as you don't do anything stupid.”

“Just, please can we pull over somewhere? Can we talk about something?” Michael asks.

Jeremy nods and pulls over to the side of the road a few streets away from Michael’s house, “What is it?” He's so confused.

“Remember how earlier this week you walked me down to the office and stuff…”

“Yeah,” he laughs a bit, “it wasn't long ago.”

“Well that day after school was when I first went to the psychiatrist,” he begins, “she had me fill out a lot of papers. Like seriously a lot. Then I waited around for even longer. Eventually I got called in and she asked me more questions. After all that she explained how it seems like I could have social anxiety, not a shock, and that she'll be able to figure more out over time and more appointments. If it's really bad then I'll be on medication.”

“Isn't that a good thing?” Jeremy remains confused, “I mean, you know what's wrong now.”

“Oh! Yeah it is, don't get me wrong!” he quickly clears that up, “But it’s just been weird, not surprising, but weird to think that there's a reason behind those feelings.”

Jeremy doesn't say anything. Michael shakes his head, “Nevermind. Forget I said any of that. It's stupid. I only wanted to tell someone, and you wanted to know what was bothering me, but now I'm aware there's no point to letting people know. Sorry.”

“It's all good,” he gets him to stop rambling, “I did ask. Nobody's home at my house. Do you wanna go hang out over there?”

“Sure. What about you getting back to class?”

He shrugs, getting back onto the road and going in the direction of his house, “Doesn't matter. We’re getting to be friends again and now seems like a time where you could really use a friend. So here I am….honestly I kinda need a friend too…”

“You've got Christine, Rich, and Jake.” Michael points out at the needing a friend thing.

“Not to be fake deep,” he smiles, “but they don't know me the way you do.”

“Alright,” he blushes then goes quiet for a couple minutes, “but I hope you know I'm not looking for a relationship right now. I forgive you and I hope you forgive me for not taking your feelings into consideration, but I can’t get back with you. Maybe one day but not anytime soon.”

“I know. It's okay; I'm happy just being friends. I do forgive you and I'm honestly surprised you actually forgave me that fast.”

“Well I believe in second chances. And I know what you were going through at that time and how it would've influenced you-”

“Not an excuse for it but understandable.” Jeremy finishes the sentence.

“That's it,” he giggles, “we can't fix it. We can't change what happened to you or what you said to me but we can learn from it and get better- oh god I sound like I'm from a fucking lifetime movie.”

Jeremy laughs with Michael as he pulls into his driveway, “You do but you have a good point.”

The two go inside and head to Jeremy's room. “So,” Jeremy says sitting down onto his bed, “I don't wanna stay on this subject and you probably don't either but how did you forgive me so quickly. I know how much I broke your trust.”

“There are actually five factors to it,” he starts off, “and we’ve been over them all but here's it simplified. You were actually acknowledging what you did wrong. You still clearly cared about me. I've known you long enough to know why you would've said that and that something was wrong. You were very obviously upset over the fight too. And, like I said in the car, I give second chances.” He sits down next to him.

Jeremy starts thinking of how he really doesn't deserve Michael. He gets lost in those thoughts and the silence drags on until Michael asks, “Wanna get high?”

“Well yeah but I don't have anything and even if we were to smoke my dad would smell it when he gets home and that would go over badly.”

Michael sets his bookbag onto his lap and reaches in it, pulling out a ziplock bag of gummy bears, “Edibles. It's more discreet.”

“Oh okay that w- wait you brought that to school!” he lightly slaps his arm, it doesn't hurt him and it's not meant to, “You could get in serious trouble if you got caught! Like actual legal things not just detention.”

“I know. It was a bad idea,” he admits, “but now I have it with me and we can eat them! It all works out. It's pretty much a loophole; do you want some?”

He laughs, “That's not what a loophole is but yeah.”

\---

A few hours of doing nothing go by. They've moved to the living room where they're watching classic horror movies, whilst high, and attempting to fill the small awkward silences. They're friends again but after what they both went through neither of them are sure what to talk about. Bring it up? Talk about something else? Things are still so complicated.

“Thanks for being there for me today,” Michael mumbles and stands up.

Jeremy nods, “Well thanks for letting me be there. Where are you going?”

“Home,” he shows the time on his phone, “I’d be getting back from school soon, I should probably go.”

“Right,” he agrees and walks Michael to the front door, “are you good to drive?”

“Yeah. I'm less spacey this time.” Before he opens the door he turns to look at Jeremy, “Why are you following me this far? Normally you turn around at the end of the hall and I just go.”

“Oh um...showing you out I guess? Which I now see is kinda stupid, I mean you've been here a lot you know where the door is. It's not hard to find. Sorry about that and now I'm rambling which I’m also sorry about. I just really don't know-”

Michael stops him, “Calm down. It's okay, I was just wondering.”

They lock eyes. Jeremy doesn't know what makes him do it but he leans in to kiss him and, obviously, gets rejected.

His face gets red, “Fuck. I don't know why I just did that. I'm so sorry, I crossed a line. I'll just- uh see you later.”

“Jeremy,” he sighs, “I meant it when I said I don't want a relationship like that right now. I'm sorry.”

“It's fine, I don't really want one either,” he goes off on a tangent again, “I just thought maybe you wanted to. We were both looking at each other and I thought _‘is he looking at me like that or am i over analyzing? does he want me to?_ ’ but you obviously didn't. I interpreted that whole scenario wrong and now it probably seems like I only had you come over so i could do that but I promise you that is not why. I genuinely want to be friends again; so I'll never do that again. Unless we’ve both made it clear, verbally, that we would want to kiss….sorry.”

Michael quietly takes all of that into consideration, “O-okay. It's okay.”

“Good. We’re good?”

“Yes. Calm down,” he opens the door and walks out, “see you on Monday.”

“Bye,” Jeremy closes the front door once Michael gets into his car.

He leans against the door and puts his face in his hands. “Way to go,” he sarcastically tells himself, “you made that awkward.”

  


 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i go back to school next week (can i get uhhhhh mcfucking will to live) so updates may be less while i'm adjusting to new classes. now relating to the story, both of Our Boys have had some trauma lets not pick sides please this can be peaceful


	10. Just another authors note

I'm SO sorry I haven't updated. Bad writers block but I'm getting out of it now so if all goes well I'll have the next one up sometime next week. Anyways, tonight I was at a football game with my school bc I'm in the band. I met some people on the other band who like bmc and they recommended this fic to me and I was too scared to say anything but hello if that was you. It's me, girl from other band, thank you.


	11. Chapter 9

Michael is the one to approach Jeremy on Monday, They're standing in the cafeteria, Jeremy originally on his way to the table he started sitting at. “Thanks for keeping me out of trouble the other day…”

“Anytime,” he shrugs, “sorry I tried to kiss you. It was wrong of me to just assume you wanted that.”

“It’s okay. I’m just happy we can start being friends again,” they’re both quietly standing there for a few seconds, “can I sit with you? I've just been hiding in the library during lunch.”

Jeremy nods. The two walk over to a table where Christine, Jenna, Rich, and Jake are already sitting. Michael ends up between Jenna and Jeremy. At first there’s an awkward silence; everybody knows it was Jenna who tweeted what started this whole disaster.

Jenna finally speaks, “Michael, I’m really sorry. You too, Jeremy. It wasn’t my place to post about that.”

“Wait,” he turns to Jeremy, “so they know it was you?”

“Everyone kinda does now. I'm not really hiding anymore.”

Jake makes a point of putting his arm around Rich, “This is a safe space. We don't care if you're queer.”

Michael nods then looks back towards Jenna, “I can’t just say ‘it’s okay’, because it’s not. But I forgive you.” Jeremy agrees with what he said. Later on, Brooke joins the group at the table. And, for once, everyone is getting along. It’s a short time of peace for everybody. No stupid drama or petty grudges. Then the bell rings and they disperse to get to class. Jeremy, Michael, and Christine both have history next and walk there together.

The class is halfway over when the teacher announces they'll be starting a project that he’s assigned them partners for, “It's easy. I've paired you with people I know you get along with, as you'll be spending a lot of time together. You'll just have to work together to write at least five pages on any historical movement that interests you.” He starts listing off pairs and eventually says, “Heere and Mell.”

They're already sitting by each other. “Do you have anything in mind?” Michael looks to him.

“Not yet. Are you okay with us having to spend so much time together? Because...you know…” Jeremy asks then trails off.

“Yeah. It could be good for us rebuilding our relationship- I mean our friendship.” he quickly corrects himself.

Jeremy reads into that too much. Does this mean Michael doesn't wanna even give their relationship another chance? Does he but he was unsure of if Jeremy wanted to so he corrected it? It isn't until a few minutes later he realizes that Michael was actually talking about something, “What?”

“You've never heard of the Stonewall riots?”

“I have, I just didn't hear what you said. Sorry,” he clarifies.

“Oh. Well I was just saying we could make our project about that,” he suggests, “what do you think?”

“Yeah, good idea,” he pulls himself out of his thoughts and suggests they work on it after school at his house. Michael agrees to the idea.

\---

  
The two walk to Jeremy's after school, as planned. They go up to his room where his laptop is to start the research on it. Jeremy leaves to use the restroom, “You can start searching for something if you want. I'll be right back.”

When he returns the laptop is closed next to Michael who is obviously trying not to laugh.

“What's wrong?” he sits down next to him and puts the laptop on his lap, “Did you see my search history?”

“No I- wait what's in your search history?” he questions.

“What did you find?” Jeremy asks again before realizing what it was, “Was it something I didn't close out of this morning?”

“If you're talking about porn then yes.”

His face instantly goes red with embarrassment, “Oh god...um...that's pretty awkward. Jesus. Sorry.”

“It's fine,” he's laughing, “not like I didn't know you watched porn.”

Jeremy can't form any coherent sentences but he’s clearly very embarrassed and says something about them crossing personal boundaries just now.

“Calm down. We’ve already crossed boundaries that were more personal than this; I've literally sucked your dick. Now, I'm more interested in the search history you're hiding.” He reaches for the laptop but Jeremy pulls it away.

“You don't need to know,” he keeps it out of reach, “they're embarrassing.”

“Fine,” he puts his hands up in surrender, “but will you at least tell me what it's about?”

He sits the laptop next to him on the bed and doesn't say anything. After a few minutes he mumbles, “You. Kinda.”

“You were googling me?”

“No. I was trying to find out how to fix what I did. It's stupid, I know I could just listen to you and I did, I still will, but I wanted to be sure. Plus I wanted you to know what I went through with the squip without sounding like I'm trying to play the victim or something. It's just really immature.”

Michael shrugs, “I think it's sweet. I mean, it shows you care a lot.” He can tell this whole situation has made Jeremy very uncomfortable so he quickly changes the subject, “Wanna get to work now?”

They get enough facts for the project after about an hour and decide to take a break to play video games. Jeremy turns on the TV in his room, then the xbox, and grabs the two controllers, handing one to Michael, “Player one.”

The two spend the next couple hours playing Apocalypse of the Damned. It starts to get dark outside and Michael stands, “I should get home.”

“You could spend the night,” he offers, “like we used to do.”

He considers it, “Would your dad mind?”

“He never used to,” Jeremy shrugs.

Michael sits back down, “Okay then.”

\---

Later on in the night the two go to the kitchen to get popcorn and drinks.

“It's just like our old school-night sleepovers,” Michael reminisces.

“We’re gonna regret staying up so late together tomorrow but it's all fun,” Jeremy smiles, “I missed doing this type of thing with you. Like before everything got so different; before we were more than friends. Not that that was bad, just a change- a good change. But I'm okay with us being just friends again! I'm happy with that if you are...sorry I went a little off topic there.”

“It's okay,” Michael has known him long enough that his nervous rambles aren't a weird occurrence. He just wants to be sure he's getting his point across when he doesn't know how to, it's kinda endearing.

They go back to Jeremy's room to keep binging all their favorite games.   
\----  
Jeremy wakes up before his alarm goes off. He looks over to Michael who’s still asleep. People always look so peaceful in their sleep and this is a perfect example. Right now he looks like that innocent boy Jeremy met when they were so young. As if he's so pure and has never experienced heartbreak or betrayal. Honestly, it's sad in a way. So much has happened to him that he didn't deserve, but at least from some of those situations he's become stronger. And not all of his experiences were bad, some made him even happier. He looks away and picks up his phone; so if Michael were to wake up he wouldn't see him watching him and get the wrong idea. Just as he goes to turn it on the alarm on it goes off, waking Michael up.

“What time is it?” he groans, putting an arm over his eyes to block out the sunlight that streams in through the blinds.

“Like 6:30,” he turns the alarm off, “it's the tradition of regretting staying up so late together because now we have to go to school.”

“We don't _have_ to.”

Jeremy sits up, “We have to at least pretend we’re gonna be productive. Let's go to a few periods and then ditch.”

Michael sighs and sits up next to Jeremy, “Fine. Where are we ditching to?”

“The stream in the woods behind the school?”

He must've thought of what had happened when he saw Jeremy and Madeline kissing there because he winces and pulls further away from him, well, as far as he can without falling off the bed.

“Or we could go somewhere else, it doesn't matter. I'm sorry about what happened last time. Michael, I promise I’m never gonna do something like that again.”  
  
“It's fine,” he shrugs, “we can go there. After all, we have more good memories there than bad.”

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” he gives Jeremy a small smile.  
\---  
They walk to school together. Their hands brush against each other a few times before Jeremy starts holding Michael’s. “Is this okay?”

He nods while blushing. It probably doesn’t mean anything; he’s just being nice and neither of them particularly want a relationship right now. But that doesn’t keep him from getting flustered, Jeremy notices this but ignores it. The two hold hands up until they need to separate to go to their lockers.

“Are you back with him?” Christine asks Michael at his locker, not in a rude way. She’s just curious.

“No,” Michael practically says it as a question, “but we’re working through some issues and once that’s all sorted out who knows what we’ll be.”

“You guys have been really mature about all of this,” she smiles sweetly, “it’s impressive.”

He shrugs, “We still love each other. He messed up and I spent so long not listening to his side of the story, but we know we can fix that.”

She nods understandingly, “Well if anything goes wrong you can feel free to snapchat me or something. I heard what he told you so if anything like that ever happens again I’m here.”

“How’d you find out what he said?”

“He told me. He really felt awful about it,” the bell rings, “oh! I’ve gotta get to class, if I’m late to Chemistry again I’m gonna get in so much trouble with Mrs.Toll.” She hurries away and Michael finds himself putting his books back into his bag and carrying it out the doors with him. He walks through the woods until he reaches the stream.

“Hey. I’m already at our ‘secret hideout’; meet me whenever,” he sends to Jeremy.

He puts his phone back into his bookbag and sits on the ground, leaning against a tree. He finds himself remembering one day during freshmen year he was getting bullied particularly bad. The details of what people were doing aren’t there, he blocked those out, but he remembers what Jeremy did.

He could tell Michael was trying so hard not to cry, he didn’t want anyone to see him like that. So he came out here with him, “You know you don’t deserve all that. You’re amazing.”

“Jere,” Michael vividly remembers the way he leaned up against him, “you don’t need to lie to make me feel better. I know I’m not really much of anything but I’ll be fine eventually.“

He didn’t say anything at first, just pulled him into a hug, “Well how are you right now? Honestly.”

“I feel terrible,” he held onto him, “but having you here makes it all a little better. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t-“ he started to cry, “I don’t deserve you.” His voice broke and it took all he had to finish that sentence without a sob interrupting it.

“What’s up?” Jeremy’s voice in the present takes him away from those thoughts of the past.

“Hm?” he turns his head to look at him.

“Why’d you leave as soon as we got there?”

Michael shrugs, “I’m tired and I just wanted to spend the day talking with you. I missed being friends.”

“Okay,” he sits down next to him, “what did you wanna talk about?”

“I don’t really know. Definitely not any of the shit that we’re dealing with right now,” he sighs, “I need a break from that.”

“Me too,” he thinks of something, “well, what are your future plans?”

Michael groans, “I don’t know. Do we always have to be so serious? C’mon, let’s just have fun.”

He smiles, “Alright. But are we still gonna go to college together? Just as friends.”

“Yes,” he rolls his eyes, “now can we drop that? Let’s stop thinking so much!” he pulls off his shoes and socks before running over to the stream. Jeremy does the same, along with putting his phone next to Michael’s bag.

They splash at each other from where they’re standing in the extremely shallow water. Jeremy trips and falls over, soaking his clothes. He’s laughing so hard at himself that he can’t get up, “Holy shit it’s cold!”

“Then get up,” Michael laughs, reaching out his hand to help him up.

Jeremy regains his balance but makes no effort to let go of his friends hand. In fact, neither of them try to move away. They just spend a short moment standing there, hand in hand, letting their eyes lock. It’s very brief, yet in those few seconds things almost seem normal again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like this is poorly written but i had like five mental breakdowns over it (idk why i struggled so much with this specific chapter) and i wanted 9 out of my life so here’s that


	12. Important Question

Does anyone genuinely want me to keep writing this? Because that’s the only thing that would motivate me to keep writing it.


	13. My Decision

I’m continuing this story and I’m really happy that I’ve gotten passionate about it again; your supportive comments really helped me remember why I love writing. I know how to write from my heart again and I’m hoping this next chapter will be up by the the end of the week. 


	14. Another Delay

As you can see the next chapter was not posted when I said it would be. I have a reason for this. One of my very good friends attempted suicide and I’ve spent a lot of my time writing to her and staying with her sister (who’s also a very good friend of mine and the same age as both of us) as their parents have been at the hospital with her but they won’t let me or the sister on the psych ward since we’re not adults, she doesn’t wanna be alone right now. I do love writing but for now my priority is my friends well being. This chapter will still be up fairly soon (hopefully this week).


	15. Chapter 10

Another week goes by; they’ve gotten closer. They’re not back together but they’re definitely closer than friends normally are. Despite that situation neither of them want to ask what exactly their relationship is. Jeremy’s in Christine’s room on a Friday night telling her about this, “How am I supposed to figure out what he thinks is going on between us?”

“Why do you need to know now? Just keep doing what you’re doing until the answer is obvious.”

“But I don’t wanna get intimate and make him uncomfortable because he just wants us to stay friends,” he tries to explain it.

She laughs, “Then don’t get too close.”

Jeremy groans, “But what if he wants me to and is expecting it!”

“I’m just as unsure as you. It’s not like I can think for him and tell-“ she stops mid sentence, “Wait! I’ll be your wingwoman!” Her face is beaming as she goes on about how exciting this is. “I’m like an undercover spy!”

“Christine-“

“This’ll be such a fun role!”

“Christine, how-“

“Can I dress up?!”

“Christine!” he finally gets her attention, “how exactly are you gonna wingman-“

“Woman,” she corrects, “wingwoman.”

“Right,” he sighs, “how are you gonna wingwoman for me?”

She scans around the room, as if she would see an answer, “I didn’t think that far into it. I could just ask Michael as a friend...not very undercover spy-y but it’s simple. I mean, I’ve already talked about you with him so it’s nothing weird to bring up.”

“Why didn’t you tell me sooner! What did he say?” Suddenly Jeremy’s listening very closely.

Christine shrugs, not seeing it as anything interesting, “He said he’s not sure what you two will be to each other. Take that however you want.”

“Oh,” he thinks for a moment, “sounds like we’re both confused about us. That could be good.”

Christine nods, “But when should I start my job? As soon as possible? Or just wait until school on Monday?”

“Well...um- you see,” he sighs, “now that I know he’s confused too I should probably just confront him myself.”

Her face falls, showing the disappointment of not being able to help anymore. Jeremy tries to cheer her up, “But you were already a great help! You were a wingwoman without even realizing it.”

“Hm,” she considers that before smiling again, “I guess I was!”  
—-

When Jeremy’s back at his own house on Saturday afternoon he send Michael a text, “Will you come over so we can talk?”

—

As soon as Michael sees the text he feels fear and anxiety rise in him. Talk about what? Before he can start overthinking he responds with, “Sure. What time?”

“Now. If it works for you.”

“I’ll be right over.” There’s no backing out now. He agreed to having this conversation about whatever the subject is. He gets to Jeremy’s and doesn’t bother to knock, after all they’ve been to each other’s houses so many of times it’s no longer necessary.

“Hello?” he calls out. Jeremy yells back that he’s in his room and he can just come in.

“So,” he awkwardly stands in the doorway, “what was it you wanted to talk about?”

He starts off inviting Michael to sit beside him on the bed, “I feel like we have to talk about us, it’s just gonna get awkward if we avoid it.”

“Talking about it’s gonna be awkward too,” he jokes in an attempt to keep the conversation lighthearted.

Jeremy doesn’t respond so Michael continues what he was saying, now in a more serious tone, “but yeah. We should get it over with so we’re clear about each other’s feelings.”

“Well, my feelings for you never went away. I was manipulated into feeling differently but once I fought against that they were right back there. Of course you already knew that. I say it a lot,” he thinks carefully about what to say next, “but I have no clue what you’re feeling. I don’t know if you’d be comfortable with getting back together so I don’t make a move yet sometimes it’s almost like you’re flirting and expect me to. Sorry if you’re not and I’m reading all the closeness wrong. I just...I don’t know. What do you want us to be? Are you still healing or are you ready-“

He’s cut off by Michael kissing him; just quickly before pulling away. “Does that answer it?” Jeremy puts his hand on top of his on the bed. “It does,” he tears up, “you know I thought you may never take me back. That I hurt you so much you really wouldn’t trust me again and I felt so bad. Like I ruined the best thing I’ve ever had. I’ve only ever felt so in love with you and I could’ve lost that because I was being stupid.”

“Why do you keep talking so much? No offense…just wondering.”

“I’m nervous,” he confesses, even though it’s obvious.

“You don’t have to be,” he comforts.

“Wait, so, you’re not? How?”

“I know I don’t need to be afraid around you. Not anymore.”

—-

They’re kissing and Jeremy, now straddling over Michael, pulls back, “Are we gonna take this any further?”

“I don’t really want to,” he apologizes, “I’m happy to be your boyfriend again but I still wanna take it slow.”

“You don’t have to apologize, it’s perfectly fine. I just wanted to know.”

“Are you sure? I feel bad if you want to, I lead you on.”

“No you didn’t,” he laughs, “you know kissing isn’t saying you’ll go any further. Calm down.”

“Okay,” they start to kiss again but Michael pulls back, “We should go on a date sometime. Like a real date..”

“What do you mean ‘real date’? We’ve gone out a lot of times before.”

“But you weren’t out,” he explains, “so I couldn’t hold your hand or kiss you.”

“Yeah...it would be nice to go somewhere with you and not be afraid someone we know will see us and get suspicious.” Jeremy moves from over Michael to beside him, where he cuddles up against him. He rests his head on his chest, “Where would you wanna go?”

Michael puts an arm around him, “What about that little retro diner a few towns over then to the drive-in? Wanna go tonight?”

“Sounds good.”

——

Later in the afternoon they’re driving to the diner. “Shouldn’t we have stayed in to work on our project about Stonewall?” Jeremy says as they pull into the parking lot.

“It’s not due that soon and we’re already almost done,” Michael parks the car and looks over at him. That’s when he notices how scared he looks. “Jere, you okay?”

“Yeah,” he looks around at how many other cars there are, “but it seems so crowded and we’ve never been really public with our relationship. I’m scared”

“You don’t need to be.”

Jeremy sighs, “I do. There are places where someone would have us killed for being together. If we were a straight couple we could just walk right in there holding hands and nobody would think anything of it. I could kiss you on the cheek and they’d think ‘oh what a cute couple’. But if we do that we get stared at. Or told we’re ‘forcing it onto other people’. It’s not fair.”

Michael stays quiet at first. He knows Jeremy has a good point, “We can do that anyways. Ignore any stares.”

“And if they say something to us?”

“I’ll deal with it,” he squeezes his hand, “I’ve had to tell off homophobes before. I mean, I wear a rainbow flag patch...I get a lot of comments.”

After a little more encouraging each other they go inside, hand in hand. They sit down at a booth across from a family at a table. The mom and dad both glare at them and whisper something to their two sons.

Michael notices the increasingly nervous look on Jeremy’s face and puts his hand over his on the table. “We’re fine, ignore them.”

He nods, “Okay. Did we ever figure out what movies playing at the-“ he notices the father, whose eyes could shoot daggers at this point, approaching their table.

He give their hands, still touching across the table, a disgusted look “Do you mind? There are children here and you’re being very inappropriate.”

“And what are we doing that’s so inappropriate?” Michael asks him.

“Don’t you pretend you’re so innocent and don’t know, faggot.”

Suddenly Jeremy’s actually getting involved in the conversation, “Don’t call him that. What’s your problem? We’re not hurting anyone.”

“That’s what you think,” his tone is so condescending, “but I know I don’t want my sons seeing that and thinking having a….a partner- or whatever you people call it is okay.”

Jeremy bites his lip, fighting back tears of frustration and fear from this confrontation, “Really I just call him my boyfriend, because that’s what he is. And I love him so I’m gonna hold his hand, I shouldn’t be afraid to do that. I can’t see why it offends you! It’s not like we’re fuc-“ Michael quickly covers his mouth before he can finish speaking. “Jere! I get that you’re pissed, I am too, but take it down a little! You can’t say things like that in public.”

His entire face gets red and some of the tears begin to fall, “Sorry. I got carried away...oh my god I can’t believe I almost said that.”

Michael turns back to the guy, “So what was your point? Why’d you come over to us? We’re not gonna stop being queer because of some angry dude at a diner.”

He shakes his head disapprovingly and mumbles, “you two will burn in hell,” before walking back to his family.  
  
“I’m so sorry,” Michael tries to calm Jeremy as he’s now full-on crying, “I didn’t think anyone would actually come up to us if we were just holding hands.”

“I know,” he sniffs, “it’s not your fault. Can we just go to the drive-in early and wait there? I’m not too comfortable with being here anymore.”

“Yeah.” He stands up then takes Jeremy by the hand and pulls him up. As they’re leaving he observes how he’s shaking and puts his arm around him, letting him lean against him while they walk.

They get into the car and Jeremy buries his face in his hands, “I let him get the best of me. I’m sorry.”

“What do you mean?” Michael awkwardly hugs him from the driver’s seat.

“We could’ve stayed. Showed him what he says doesn’t matter to us...but I was too scared,”

“It’s okay. You’ve never really had someone say those things to you before, it’s easy to see why you’d be so scared now. I promise it gets easier to handle,”

Jeremy takes a deep breath, “Okay...thanks.” He gives him a quick kiss on the lips.

—-

Michael parks the car on a hill at the drive-in. They get out and open the trunk, put the back seats down, and then lay down the blankets and pillows.

They get settled in the back, Michael’s arm is around Jeremy’s shoulder as he rests his head on his chest. “Did you find out what movie they’re showing?” Jeremy asks.

Michael shakes his head then pulls out the tickets he bought but put in his pocket without bothering to look at. “It’s one of their throwback nights,” he looks at it closer, “tonight’s The Breakfast Club. But it won’t start for another hour.”

“Okay,” he moves in even closer, “what do you wanna do in the meantime?”

“Well we should stop by the concession stand for some food before it starts but we still have a lot of time before that. What do you wanna do?”

He laughs, “I just asked you that. Are we really gonna go through the ‘what do you wanna do? I don’t know what do you wanna do? I don’t know what do-‘ and you get the point…”

“Alright,” Michael giggles, “well what do people usually do at drive-ins? Besides watch the movie.”

Jeremy’s mind automatically goes to all the movies there are where a young couple hooks up in the back of the car at a drive-in and he becomes flustered, “Oh...well...wait. Uh we- are you- no nevermind. Um...sorry- what do you mean exactly?”

Michael notices his blush, “Oh! Nothing like that. I told you I want us to take it slow. I mean, I like kissing you in private but in public anything more than just a quick peck is a lot to me, especially with how recently we got back together after what happened.”

“That’s what I thought. I was only making sure. What if we sit around asking each other things about our relationship- not serious questions just fun things. Want me to start?” He offers.

Michael nods.

“What’s your favorite memory of us?” Jeremy asks him.

He thinks it over, “Probably that one summer night we spent driving around just talking then ended up exploring a random abandoned building. We pulled up to the building and decided this was actually happening. You told me if anything goes wrong you’ll be right there to help...there was just something about you telling me that and it made me think maybe I’m in love with you. It was the first time I’d ever felt that way.”

“Aww, Michael,” Jeremy pulls away only to get into a better position for actually hugging him, “I didn’t mean for this to get emotional but that’s so sweet. Oh god I wasn’t planning on saying anything meaningful but now I’ll feel bad if I don’t.”

“Well then I’ll just ask you a question you can’t get deep with,” he laughs, “which one of us do you think is clingier?”

“I don’t know,” Jeremy responds while still holding onto him from the hug.

Michael laughs at that, “Seriously? You don’t know? You’re literally hanging on me.”

“I am,” he states the obvious with a giggle, “but it’s not always like this. We both have our moments!”

He rolls his eyes, “I guess so. Now what do you wanna ask me?”

“How about: can we go get food now? People are starting to show up.” He let’s go so he’s now just sitting on his knees right beside him, almost touching but not quite.

“Yeah,” they get up and hold hands during the walk to the concession stand just slightly down the hill.  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m so tired and have had to edit this in short sections during my free time so if I missed anything I’m sorry. But here’s a happy chapter because idk about you guys but I personally needed that. Also some good news: my friend is out of the hospital!


	16. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: self harm/scars mention  
> Also this chapters lowkey pretty sexual because I wrote it after me and my girlfriend...well yeah

****

They’re just watching the movie when Michael moves his hand down from around Jeremy’s shoulder to his waist.

“What are you doing?” his face grows red as Michael’s hand goes even further down onto his thigh.

“Do you want me to stop?”

“No,” his breath hitches as his boyfriend moves his hand even more, “but that’s probably too far. We’re in public and you don’t even wanna do these things when we’re alone; why are you doing this all of a sudden?”

Michael pulls his hand away, “Sorry. It’s just that I’ve been thinking and I think I’m ready for us to...you know.”

“Okay,” Jeremy takes his hand and holds it, “but let’s not do that right this minute. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to, it’s just that we shouldn’t in public.”

“Yeah I know. If you want I can keep touching you. No one can see what’s going on under the blanket, it’ll look like we’re just holding hands or something.” Michael flirts, “What do you think, baby?”

He absolutely melts at the nickname he used to always call him during their nights together. Then practically begs, “ _Please. Do it_.”

——

Jeremy bites his lip to keep from making any noise that would draw attention to them. “ _Oh my god, Michael. F-faster_ ” he chokes out. Michael obliges, speeding up his hand.

This gets him so close he can’t help but moan, immediately causing a few surrounding people to look towards them. Luckily they all look away quickly, either knowing what’s happening and not wanting to see or just brushing it off as nothing. None of them see Jeremy’s face when he finally cums; Michael using his other hand to cover his mouth in order to keep him quiet.

Michael wipes some of the cum that got onto his hand on his pants before all too innocently cuddling up to Jeremy again.

A few minutes of quiet cuddling go by before Jeremy asks him, “Are we not gonna talk about the fact that you just gave me a handjob in public?”

He shrugs nonchalantly, “It wasn’t anything super intense. I mean, it wasn’t socially acceptable but it’s no big deal. It was just me getting you off.”

This makes Jeremy even more flustered, “Okay...but is there anything you want me to do?”

He leans closer to whisper to him, “Once we get back to my house we’ll figure that out.” He stops to playfully bite at his ear, “But until then let’s just stay like this.”

Jeremy agrees, thinking Michael will say something else. But ten minute go by and he’s only watching the movie; not focused on him. To get his attention Jeremy rests his head on his shoulder.

“Hm?” He glances at him before turning back to the screen.

“I want you to dominate me tonight.”

Michael’s face gets red, now he’s looking at him, “I will. Just wait for us to get home.”

“You literally just jerked me off; why are you suddenly so uninterested?” Jeremy whines.

“Because,” he sighs, “that drew attention to us and I don’t wanna risk getting caught if we do anything else. You’re the one who said we shouldn’t do anything; we don’t wanna risk getting caught.”

Jeremy sighs, curling up next to him until the movies over and they can get back to Michael’s.

——

The next morning he wakes up in Michael’s bed, “‘Morning.”

Michael looks at him and laughs at all the hickeys on his neck, “I forgot you bruised so easily.”

He uses his phone’s front camera to check out how noticeable the marks are, “Well, people are gonna know what I’ve been doing.”

“They’ll know you’re mine,” Michael holds onto him from behind.

“I know we try not to talk about it much but thanks for taking me back. Seriously. I missed you a lot. I don’t wanna get all emotional right now, but I love you a lot. I’ve never felt this way about anyone else.” Jeremy kisses him quickly after that.

“Why are you saying all this now?”

He shrugs. Just then his phone buzzes on the bedside table, he reaches for it and sees a text from Jake, “I’m having a party tonight. You and Michael can come if you want.” He shows Michael the text and he awkwardly avoids eye contact and shrugs, “Last party didn’t exactly go well.”

“Well this time I’m not leaving your side,” he promises, “what’d you say?”

“I’ll think about it,” he says.

Jeremy gets a mischievous smirk, “Maybe I can help you with making that decision.” He goes under the covers, “You don’t have to go if you don’t want to. But you’ve just been really cool with everything so I wanna do something for you, if you want me to I’m kinda returning the favor of what you did at the drive-in last night.”

“Jeremy, what exactly are you doing?” he looks under the blankets at him.

“If you want me to I’m about to give you head,” he blushes.

Michael smiles at him, “Sure, if you want. You’ve been really horny lately.”

“I’m a teen boy; what’s your point?”

He laughs, “Still, we never hooked up this often before.”

“Now it’s been awhile. I missed it,” he admits before putting his mouth on Michael.

—-

Michael gives a small moan but stops himself as soon as he hears the front door open and close. “We’re home!” his parents call out.

Jeremy must’ve not heard them so he gently tugs at his hair, trying to get him to come back up, but instead he just groans and keeps going. So he starts to repeatedly hit his shoulder until he gets the hint.

“What?” he pushes the covers off and wipes the precum from his mouth.

“My parents are home. We gotta get dressed.”

“Oh my god, it’s still gonna be awkward as hell. ‘Hey Mr. and Mrs. Mell don’t mind all my hickeys or the messy hair or the fact that your sons got a hard-on because I was in the middle of sucking his dick.’”

“They won’t even notice and if they do they won’t care. We’re being safe, it’s no big deal,” he pulls on a pair of sweatpants and an oversized hoodie.

Jeremy quickly puts on his shirt and underwear, “I can’t find my pants.” He’s desperately searching the room, trying to find where they were thrown aside to last night when Michael’s parents are already coming into his room.

He grabs a blanket off the bed and covers himself with it, “Hey!”

They give him an odd look then turn to Michael, who explains, “He can’t find his pants.”

They laugh and his mom asks why he took them off in the first place, then she sees the hickeys and it all makes sense. “Ohh...you two got together. Michael, did you do that to him?”

His face goes bright red and he forces his parents out of his room, “Good to see you guys again but let’s talk later.”

Jeremy drops the blanket when they leave and starts looking again. Michael helps him and notices a couple rows of scars going up his thighs, “What happened there?”

He looks down and shrugs, “I don’t know.” There’s a heavy silence until he tugs at the waistband of Michael’s sweatpants and starts to flirt again, “Anyways, where were we?”

“Wait. Tell me what happened,” he holds him back.

“It doesn’t matter,” he climbs on him and starts kissing and grinding.

Michael pushes him off, “Jere, tell me what happened.”

“It was awhile ago. The squip forced me to hurt myself whenever I didn’t do what he said,” he avoids eye contact, “but that’s it. I didn’t do any of it willingly and I don’t want to. It really doesn’t matter. I’m okay.”

“Do you promise?”

He holds his hands, “I promise. And if anything does happen I’ll tell you and then we’ll handle it. As for now, it’s no big deal and I really prefer not to talk about it. It’s a bad memory.” Jeremy’s phone goes off and he gets off the floor to check it; finding his pants halfway under the bed on the way and putting them on.

There’s a text from his dad, “Are you still at Michael’s?”

“Yeah. I’ll be home in a little bit,” he responds.

He says bye to Michael, who agrees to go to the party tonight at 8, before walking home.

—-

When he gets back his dad looks upset with him, “I was worried last night. It took you until one in the morning to tell me you were staying over at his house.”

“Sorry,” he awkwardly moves his hand onto his neck in order to hide the messy row of hickeys, “I didn’t think of it.”

“You’ve been so irresponsible these past few months. You’ve been smoking pot, you got into that fight with Michael, now you’re back together but you’re staying out so late. Do you realize you’re not an adult? What has gotten into you?”

He drops his hand subconsciously, “Sorry. I’ve just been stressed and last night I got carried away hanging out with Michael.”

His dad’s eyes go to the marks, “So those came from just ‘hanging out’ with Michael? Jesus, kid, I just want you to be honest with me.”

“Okay,” at first he nervously says some things incoherently but eventually gets it together, “last night I was on a date with Michael. We got back to his house and we had sex. After that was all done it was one and that’s when I texted you.”

He nods, “Alright. But for the next two weeks you only go to school and home. Got it?”

“Me and Michael were gonna go to Jake’s party tonight. Can I still do that?”

He thinks it over, “Maybe. Let me check your phone, if I trust you from the messages I see then you can go.”

“What do you mean ‘trust me from the messages’?” Jeremy asks.

“If there’s nothing about drinking or smoking then you’re allowed to go,” he puts his hand out and Jeremy reluctantly gives him the phone.

He watches his reactions to whatever it is he’s reading. It starts off neutral then gets very uncomfortable, he quickly turns it off and hands it back. “Well...there was nothing that would make me not trust you. I did see some very inappropriate conversations and pictures between you and Michael, sorry for invading that aspect of your privacy.”

“Wait, so, can I go?” he asks.

His dad nods; he thanks him before calling Michael.

“Hey,” he picks up on the second ring.

“Hey,” Jeremy’s walking to his room, “my dad’s pissed and grounded me for being so irresponsible lately; he’s still letting me go to the party but after that I’m gonna be stuck between home and school.”

“I’ll make sure to visit you all the time, my love,” Michael says dramatically.

Jeremy laughs at his reaction, “He’s not gonna let me have people over.”

”Will you still have your phone?”

“Yeah,” he remembers what his dad mentioned seeing, “speaking of that, he checked my phone and saw one of the times we were sexting.”

“Oh shit,” he holds back a laugh, “do you think he saw your nudes? Or that time you experimentally called me daddy!”

“Shut up,” his face gets hot, “I wanted to see how I felt about it! And _you_ didn’t even say anything about it until after.”

“You can’t see me but I’m rolling my eyes right now. _Anyways_ , I’ll pick you up tonight a little before 8.”

“See you then,” he hangs up and starts searching his closet for something to wear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey only like one more chapter and an epilogue left, just letting you guys know. After this I may just have a thing of oneshots or start another chapter fic. Probably of boyf riends but maybe of Peter/Jason from bare: a pop opera (which if you’ve never seen you definitely should it’s on youtube and it needs more love)


	17. Chapter 12

Michael pulls up to Jeremy’s house around 7:50 and sends him a text, “Here.”

Jeremy quickly sends, “Coming,” as he pulls on his shoes. He rushes out the door and gets into the passenger seat of the PT Cruiser.

Michael goes to start driving but hesitates, “I’ve never been to a party like this where I’m really invited before.”

“Do you still wanna go?” he asks, “We don’t have to go if you’re not comfortable with it.”

“I want to,” he sighs, “I’m just nervous.”

He grabs onto his hand, “You don’t need to be; I’ll be right there the entire time. Okay?”

He nods and starts the short drive to Jake’s house. Once they get to his house Michael gets out and opens Jeremy’s door for him.

“Nerd,” he giggles and kisses him on the cheek once he steps out of the car, “we’re going to a party, not on a date.”

“So I can’t be a nice boyfriend unless we’re on a date?” he puts his arms around his waist.

“It’s just that we’re not doing anything formal. We’re gonna go get drunk and stoned in Jake’s house.”

“Are we?” he asks playfully.

“Do you not want to?” Jeremy questions.

“I do,” he holds up the keys, “but I need to make sure we both get back home safe.”

“We could walk from here,” he shrugs, “now quit stalling. Let’s go in.”  
——-  
The two enter the house and are greeted with the sounds of loud music blasting and people trying to talk over it, smoke fills the air and it smells strongly of weed.

“I’ve never been to a party like this,” Michael takes in the sight, “I thought it was just something used in movies.”

“It’s a real thing,” he gestured around. Jake approaches the two and hands them each a drink, he walks away before they can thank him. Michael takes a sip first and grimaces, “Dear god alcohol is gross.”

Jeremy takes a sip and has the same reaction, “It really is.”

“You know, I may be a bit of a stoner,” Michael looks around, “but I don’t think this is really my scene.”

“Wanna go back to your house to play video games and cuddle?”

He nods, “Do you mind?”

“Not at all,” he takes his hand and they walk outside together.

Their love wasn’t perfect, nothing is. Love is messy and they each had their own side of the story at the time of all the issues. But as time went on they could communicate and understand what went so wrong. They’re young; mistakes are inevitable but they’re not impossible to fix. And, of course, everyone’s got a truth. Now Michael and Jeremy share a truth; they’re in love and they’re not letting anything get in the way of that.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And there it is. The end of this journey. Sorry if you’re unhappy with the ending but as I was writing what I originally planned I felt like it just didn’t go with what these characters are like in this fic. It didn’t feel right for them; so I did what felt right and it did turn out short but quality over quantity.


End file.
